Monthly Archives: May 2013

Fly fly away

Leaving the library with daughter, we were stopped near our car by a Scissor tailed Flycatcher. He hovered over us and the vehicle, making a couple of cries, before veering off on his flight. I told daughter he was encouraging us about our move back to Oklahoma since that is their state bird.

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Roadrunner: time for some quick changes

Daughter and I saw a roadrunner when we headed into town yesterday morning. Here’s a photo of a roadrunner we found while visiting Eureka Springs some years back:

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Late afternoon I got word that I  did get the job and start Monday. I’ll be three hours away from Grenwinae for who knows how long it will be before he gets a job in the same town as I. It’s a process of saying goodbye to our country house and all the wildlife, as well as my horses, until we get fully moved.

I also saw a hawk being harried by a group of birds but other than some minor irritations nothing striking happened that day (other than what I mentioned above).

Asking Willow

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After reading on Willow, I decided to go down into the horse pasture and ask the resident willow trees for a gift of a branch.

I was about to leave when I bent down and saw a dried branch. When I put my hand on it, it almost dropped into my hand. Grenwinae said he had touched it before me and was told to leave it alone; it must have been left for me.

Now I have a branch to help me navigate the next part of the emotional journey I need to make. I need to put some thought into how I will shape it for a healing wand.

Grenwinae has more luck talking to trees. I asked him what Willow would want as a thank you if I took a branch. She wasn’t keen on a pruning but answered milk or wine. That night, under the moon, I gifted Willow with Coconut Milk.

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The Willow has obvious connections with water, as it is often found growing near water (Celtic name of saille: sal meaning near and lis meaning water). Other names include Osier, Pussy Willow, White Willow, Witches’ Aspirin, Withy, Tree of Enchantment, Saille, Salicyn Willow, and Saugh Tree.

According to Ted Andrews Nature-Speak, if you have a piece of Willow it will react to the presence of water (i.e grow warmer, cooler, vibrate etc…). Willow wands are often used for dowsing (like attracts like).

According to The Healing Power of Trees (Sharlyn Hidalgo) Willow is linked to the Bee and the Dove. The Willow is connected to the Moon, the Feminine, and also the animals of Hawk and Owl (according to one website but not found in any other reference I can find so more research is called for).

Willow is supple and slender like the Maiden; Willow’s ability to reproduce easily by a branch being set in the ground is her Mother aspect; and her gnarled bark belongs the Crone. Whether or not it is the physical manifestation of the female trinity, Willow has often been associated with witches and used for wands.

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Willow is tied to creative inspiration and is linked to strengthening your dreams and meditation states. This may be why she is also connected to poets and bards. Sleep with willow under your pillow to intensify your dreams and learn from revelations from what was hidden or obscure.

Andrews writes in Nature-Speak that Willow’s healing abilities is multi-faceted utilizing herbology and aromatherapy. These are two areas I’ve always been interested in, have pursued in the past and will be writing in some future blog entries.

Willow Wands are powerful in the area of wish making, all sorts of water work, and helps us understand how our inner thoughts affect external events. Willows messages are always multi-layered. Another interesting correlation is Andrews writes that Willow increases Clairaudience, which is exactly the talent I seem to have with my Animal Guides.

Willow is strongly aligned to the expression of emotion, suffering and loss so healing can take place. As one source wrote: Willow’s gift is tears. To “wear the willow” was to put a willow branch on your hat indicating openly your loss in love. Willow accepts your feelings and doesn’t judge. It can be used to work through past pains and deal with difficult emotions; something I’ve been told over and over again I need to be doing.

Right now I know that Grenwinae and I will be temporarily separated due to work: I’ll be in Oklahoma and he in Missouri until the right job materializes. Because we have had past times when we had to separate (also due to work) and things did not go well, there is an expectation on my side of grief, suffering, doubt, loss and more.

I will have to navigate this emotional maelstrom over the next few months and if the worst happens, perhaps even another year. Already I am feeling out of sorts, overwhelmed and irritated with knowing this is about to happen.

I’ve always shied away from feeling the full pain of these separations. Instead I’d cry a few tears or just get flat out angry. I’ve felt the emotions of grief, without the addition of my anger/blame, would overwhelm me, burying me, causing me to become irrational and to lose my intellect.

I’ve known for some time that I needed to release – a deep down release to purge it all out. What scares me the most is that no matter how much I do get out there seems to be more to vent: the bucket that refills itself – but instead of enjoying the plenty I just want the bucket to be EMPTY!

Willow has a lesson to teach me here – experiencing and the letting go. I will be working with this branch to help me get where I need to go.

May Esbat meditation: Owl speaks!

My original plan was to go have a couples retreat this weekend. Due to financial reasons that had to be postponed so we are both thinking we will plan for it in the fall – like September or October. This decision, made out of necessity, was not exactly a happy decision to make however too much is happening right now for us to take that much time off.

I was determined to do at least a meditation for the full moon. We started out in the front yard but the noise from the park across the street was way irritating and not conducive to meditation. While sitting in the front, I heard Owl hoot in the SW corner, off the property. I felt Owl was telling me to move to the back yard so off we went.

All went fine except for the wet, soggy caterpillars who kept falling on us!

Intuitive thoughts:

1.) I need to remember to live in today, not worry about tomorrow. This is especially important as we have some very large bills that are starting to cause difficulties.

2.) We made a commitment to the land and must carry through on those promises such as: watering the new bushes (wildlife friendly) we put in the backyard; vegetable garden; doing a protection ritual on the property; and feeding the birds. When we say goodbye I want to cast out a lot of wildlife seed that hopefully will come the next year.

3.) I felt the trees wanted to say something. Grenwinae told me they wanted us to hold our family and keep our roots deep.

4.) I also felt Grenwinae needed to work on his Throat Chakra during this period of job hunting. He needs to be encouraged with some Athena Owl magic to persuade and enchant others with this voice!

5.) Due to recent discussions I also wanted to focus on Grenwinae asking the forces for the right job at the right time and instead of a specific job. After all that “one” job may not be THE job for him!

Owl was quite talkative through the evening. His position in the past was the SE corner but Owl had moved to SW so I looked up directional meanings:

The South – element of Fire. Physical Action and Movement. Red and Orange. Suite of Wands. Fire is the destroyer and a creator. Love, Passion, Sexuality. Overall, I have our partnership deepening with our time at the country house.

The East – element of Air. Mental Activity. Yellow and White. Suit of Swords. Divination, teaching, communication. I’ve been in learning mode since arriving here – not only with working again, but also viewing past history with new insights, and my the pagan path has opened to me due to my ongoing connection with the Wild.

The West – element of Water. Emotions. Blue. Suit of Cups. Cleansing and purification. Judging, grounding and balance. Emotions of worry and loss are already rising in me as I face leaving Grenwinae next week and possibly being separated for several months until he is able to find work where I am located at.

To me, it would appear that the powers have shifted. I’ve moved from a time of learning and using my head, to dealing with my emotions. Balancing work, family and my own self, has been a re-occurring theme so I believe I need to pay special attention to this as the next few months unfold.

Next Esbat is June 23rd.

new job in separate states

I’m home again in Missouri. I think I’ll be offered the position in Oklahoma but won’t know until Tuesday.

I have mixed feelings about this. On the negative, I’ll once again be in a separate city than Grenwinae. This is a huge problem with a lot of past history, mostly unpleasant. It’s already making me feel angry and snappish to him.

The other negative but also positive, is leaving Missouri. I don’t know that I’ve been terribly happy here though I’ve enjoyed a lot of aspects of living here. The up things I’ve enjoyed is the wildlife, the home in the country, the New Age community and store, the used bookstore, and the live theater. The downtown is very active and it’s an older town than what can be found in Oklahoma.

On the positive side of the move, I’ll back to earning a paycheck, it will be an upgrade in responsibilities and title, and this puts me on the path for new career. Our daughter can return to a school district she is familiar with and connect with friends. While I don’t think this will solve all her problems, it will help her.

While it’s easy to write – oh just dispel the negative, think positive thoughts etc… etc… I’ve learned over the years that you have to vent out those frustrations physically. As someone who already lives too much in her head, I must put myself into a position where I am forced to exercise and work off the energy that collects (or stews as the case may be).

A Dream of White Rabbits

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The sleep cycle after my day of meditation, I had the following dream:

Grenwinae and I were the Oklahoma house in the garage. For some reason there were rabbits in the garage and in the car. They seemed to be everywhere!

At one point Grenwinae picked up one of the rabbits. He was insisting that it was a Swamp Rabbit, but I told him no, it was a white rabbit.

I woke up with the knowledge that there had been 7 rabbits.

Seven and white are mystical and connections to the Divine. Rabbits are about abundance, fertility, cycles of quick, sudden changes and being able to react. Since we are both job hunting and planning on moving I think we are looking at things moving quickly.

I hope I’m not wrong as I want to get our life organized and have us all together in the same home.

P.S. if this is your art, please let me know!

Interpretating Signs from Animal Guides

I’ve had some fantastic animal encounters in the time we have been living in Southern Missouri. It is the number one thing I will miss – like this morning, waking up to see a Pileated Woodpecker right outside or bedroom window. Because we live with so much wildlife surrounding us, I’m working on realizing when something is significant and when it is not. I’m still pondering what are significant signs by my animal guides and which are just acts of nature.

For example on three different occasions I saw a Bald Eagle. One was in an unusual place, another flew over my car and another was at a nature center. On none of these occasions did anything occur that seemed to have a link to what I saw. I eventually decided this “sign” was just for me to be in awe of Nature and realize how beautiful and inspiring She can be. While I do have several raptors that are Animal Guides, I don’t believe Eagle is one of those at this time.

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Because Turkey has appeared most when Grenwinae has been with me, and he has had an affinity for the Turkey feathers he collected, I’ve come to the conclusion that appearance of Turkey has something to do with a message for Grenwinae. Turkey’s generous spirit of giving and blessings also seems to be more akin to Grenwinaes’ personality than to mine.

The day I wrote this he saw two turkeys that were slowly crossing the road.

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Vulture gives me a motherly vibe. She doesn’t get too worked up about life in general because She sees so much of the dead and understands the birth-life-death recycle that we all pass through. I see as many Vultures as I do crows, so Her appearance alone is not significant in itself – other than knowing She is watching over us all and trusting to the wind to bring Her what She needs.

Vulture has to do something unusual such as seeing the family of Black Vultures or like the gift of my vulture feathers in order for me to see a direct message.

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Yesterday, I was driving into town and Vulture flew up to the right front side of where I was traveling, veering off to fly over me. I definitely heard a “Be Careful!” and I replied, “I will!” and thought, I bet there’s a police officer up ahead and sure enough there was.  When animal sign is accompanied by a clear voice (as my path seems to be gifted with clairaudience) I know whatever the animal there is an accompanying message.

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Whenever Owl shows up it is significant. He doesn’t waste an appearance on nothing! However, overall Owl’s influence on a daily basis seems to be very subtle. Whenever my intuition kicks in I immediately think “owl-sense.” It seems to be inside, slowly seeping to the surface as “revelation.”

Just knowing when something is significant, when some energy is starting to swirl about us, or even a job that Grenwinae didn’t want to apply for and that I encouraged him to do so (it’s too early to know if it is the one), seems to be what Owl is good at. During our Owl Ceremony I was overwhelmed when I heard him hooting off in the distance right at an opportune time in the ceremony.

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Hawk is probably my oldest connection to a power animal. I have always felt an affinity to Hawks and have always seen them (even when others did not) and hailed their beauty decades before I started a Pagan path. I’ll go days without seeing Hawk (unusual in my part of the country) and suddenly see one so I know that He is there to tell me something.

Because Hawk is so present in my life, I need to spend time exploring the different types to know them better. The Red Tailed Hawk is about open plains, seeing the big picture, using vision to see the smallest detail in the vastness; the Coopers Hawk is a bird of the woods, of camouflage, and quick maneuvering as well as sudden strikes.

Hawk is a bit of a snob (UPG). He often likes to keep his back to me or pretend that He didn’t notice me as His mind is on loftier subjects (like catching a mouse). Hawk’s nature is very focused on prey and He doesn’t suffer fools. When He strikes it’s too kill.

So when He’s ready to deliver a message it is usually very direct: Hawk being chased by another bird usually means something calamitous, irritating or frustrating is about ready to happen. Of all my power animals He is the one that has also sent messages to Grenwinae to encourage and to warn him.

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Rabbit and I are still working out our relationship. She’s quiet in her approach. It’s about knowing when to act and when to be still – and I’m not very good with the being still part. It’s knowing when to take off quickly in the right direction as opposed to just running about in any silly way to get yourself killed.

Rabbit is about abundance, fertility, creativity and connected to the Moon, its 28 days cycle, and the feminine. The Hare card in the Druid Oracle cards has shown up twice in the few readings I have done.

I have been wanting to do some Rabbit work – go to a public place, get centered and grounded and see if I can disappear while people watching.

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The weekend after we made the decision for Grenwinae to job hunt, I had several appearances or visions. Driving into town, I saw a hawk (probably a Cooper or Sharp-Shinned Hawk) fly into a grove of cedars and disappear. The next day I saw another small hawk fly from the left into what should have been my path of travel, but instead he vanished on his trajectory. Yesterday, I saw a rabbit – or rather the huge white tail – the size of my fist – bound away into the tall grass. He vanished almost as quickly as I had seen him.

Pondering these sightings, I told Grenwinae that Owl-sense, said job opportunities for him are going to appear and disappear fast. He would need to jump on them as quickly as possible before they vanish like a mirage. After a dream this morning (which I will post about later) I also think he needs to “hide in plain sight” when it comes to not letting work know about his job hunting plans.

Druid Animal Oracle: my work situation

I have dealt with a lot of emotions these last 10 months as it comes to work. When my commitments in Oklahoma were at an end, I quickly got a part time job in Missouri working for a vet clinic as a receptionist. The work revealed a lot and some if it was unpleasant self-knowledge that I needed to accept and process.

I have spent years railing against being blocked out of work because I was a mother. Although I had worked self-employed jobs, I realized I had let too much time pass in not keeping my skills up to date. I could have gotten a part-time job when son was in high school; this I need to accept it as my own responsibility.

I also needed to admit that I had enjoyed a lot of personal benefits to not working such as free time to do what I wanted, to manage the household, and to pursue my own interests. Working at a regular job was a bit of a drag and letting Grenwinae be the breadwinner all these years made it easier for me in many ways.

I also realized the enormous burden of being the bread winner when money was so crucial to our survival. It gave me a different perspective of how Grenwinae must have felt when the bills were overwhelming and he could bring home only so much money. I hope I can bring this wisdom and compassion to any future discussions between us when it comes to employment (for himself or me).

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While working part-time at the vet clinic, I continued to job hunt in Missouri, looking for full-time, professional work in my field. Yes, I got some job interviews but I always left discontented; I no longer had any interest in doing this type of work. As a mother, with kids about ready to fly the nest, what was my purpose in life? Too educated to be a minimum wage, cashier and too disinterested in returning to my previous field, I was really at a crossroads but couldn’t figure out where to go.

Four years ago I had returned to school to fulfill prerequisites to be retrained as a Vet Tech. With these last 10 months working, I knew I enjoyed it, but my current skills and interests seem to favor the organizational, planning and people side of the business vs. the animal treatment side.

I have a job interview in Oklahoma on Friday for an office manager/assistant at a vet clinic. It’s doubtful this job, if I was given it, would pay a lot per hour but there is no doubt it would help. I would also receive valuable training and be able to move up in the future. It would give me a chance to make a mark and I find myself more excited about this job than any of the professional ones I had interviewed for.

The biggest problem though is the separation from Grenwinae if I took it.

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After a meditation calling on the primary power animals that have lately figured in my life: Owl, Rabbit, Vulture and Hawk, I cast the Druid Oracle Cards:

The first card is the basis of the matter: Seal, reversed. I am at a crossroads and faced with a dilemma. It’s a card of parting, separation, loneliness and longing.

Probably what I fear the most about moving back to Oklahoma, is waiting for Grenwinae to catch up with me. I do not think I could bear another year long separation (the first year he was in Missouri, I stayed behind to get our son through his senior year of high school). It shows that finances and/or obtaining employment is not my biggest concern.

The second card was the emotional, social and community aspects of the question/situation: the Hare. I was born the Chinese year of the Rabbit. I have been told that sometimes my thinking process and behavior “hops” about like a rabbit and I have taken Rabbit on as part of my power animal family.

Rabbit is linked to the Moon and the feminine. Hare is about the circle of rebirth, change and transformation. The Hare can quickly navigate, changing direction, using intuition to bring balance and creativity into your life. This is a strong card and brings me a lot of reassurance that I can handle the changes coming up in our life. While these cycles of re-birth are very tiring being so close together, it’s also reassuring that the Hare is with me.

The third card was the physical aspects of the question/situation: the Boar, reversed. This card is a little harder to place and may take some time for events to unfold to become clearer. It deals with the madness that boars can exhibit; pure energy that may seem a bit crazy.  The link between madness and intuition.

I could see that moving back to Oklahoma, after two years gone, could be seen to be a bit mad to relatives. Just because the job review wasn’t what we expected, it wasn’t all bad and there was a grain (small grain) of truth if what was said, but it is about the overall corporate environment and how Grenwinae will never fit within it that has been the ultimate reason for our decision.

However, I also know that feeling unadulterated emotion as fully and deeply as you can may feel like your mind is going to explode or you are going to punch someone, it can, after the catharsis bring an empty void, lacking energy, that is almost a relief.

It may also deal with the mad rush of making plans, moving and al that is inherent with changing residences.

Druid Animal Oracle: Grenwinaes job situation

Grenwinae had a recent, year-end review at work. It did not go as we expected. Actually, it was downright unfair. After discussing it, as well as other events that have taken place at his work over the last six months, we have decided to pick up stakes and return to Oklahoma.

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I did a 3-card reading for him from the Druid Oracle Cards:

The first card is the situation: the Bee, reversed. Could this be any louder? The hive of activity has been completely smashed. Disorder is rampant. Work is upside down with the revelations in the review that someone on his team has spread hurtful, and untrue, gossip. My worker bee spouse is confused about what is his place, if he has any place, in the hive.

The second card is the obstacles and challenges: the Water Dragon, reversed. The Water Drake recently came to Grenwinae as a Power, seeing it reversed is definitely a warning.

The Water Dragon reversed is to be cautious of allowing too much of the unconscious – emotions, feelings and past hurt – to overwhelm you. This could be about his hurt from the review and the gossip mongering.

We do have a harsh history about past separations that fostered terrible resentments with me and showed the fractures in our relationship. We need to be careful and not let the past mistakes and history enter into today’s decisions.

The third card is the forces he can work with:  the Hind, reversed. It is time for him to root himself in the real world. The Otherworld will always be there for him but for now, the mundane of accomplishments, job hunting, networking and employment has to be the primary focus of his energy. Don’t be straying off into the woods, chasing a white hind!