I have dealt with a lot of emotions these last 10 months as it comes to work. When my commitments in Oklahoma were at an end, I quickly got a part time job in Missouri working for a vet clinic as a receptionist. The work revealed a lot and some if it was unpleasant self-knowledge that I needed to accept and process.
I have spent years railing against being blocked out of work because I was a mother. Although I had worked self-employed jobs, I realized I had let too much time pass in not keeping my skills up to date. I could have gotten a part-time job when son was in high school; this I need to accept it as my own responsibility.
I also needed to admit that I had enjoyed a lot of personal benefits to not working such as free time to do what I wanted, to manage the household, and to pursue my own interests. Working at a regular job was a bit of a drag and letting Grenwinae be the breadwinner all these years made it easier for me in many ways.
I also realized the enormous burden of being the bread winner when money was so crucial to our survival. It gave me a different perspective of how Grenwinae must have felt when the bills were overwhelming and he could bring home only so much money. I hope I can bring this wisdom and compassion to any future discussions between us when it comes to employment (for himself or me).
While working part-time at the vet clinic, I continued to job hunt in Missouri, looking for full-time, professional work in my field. Yes, I got some job interviews but I always left discontented; I no longer had any interest in doing this type of work. As a mother, with kids about ready to fly the nest, what was my purpose in life? Too educated to be a minimum wage, cashier and too disinterested in returning to my previous field, I was really at a crossroads but couldn’t figure out where to go.
Four years ago I had returned to school to fulfill prerequisites to be retrained as a Vet Tech. With these last 10 months working, I knew I enjoyed it, but my current skills and interests seem to favor the organizational, planning and people side of the business vs. the animal treatment side.
I have a job interview in Oklahoma on Friday for an office manager/assistant at a vet clinic. It’s doubtful this job, if I was given it, would pay a lot per hour but there is no doubt it would help. I would also receive valuable training and be able to move up in the future. It would give me a chance to make a mark and I find myself more excited about this job than any of the professional ones I had interviewed for.
The biggest problem though is the separation from Grenwinae if I took it.
After a meditation calling on the primary power animals that have lately figured in my life: Owl, Rabbit, Vulture and Hawk, I cast the Druid Oracle Cards:
The first card is the basis of the matter: Seal, reversed. I am at a crossroads and faced with a dilemma. It’s a card of parting, separation, loneliness and longing.
Probably what I fear the most about moving back to Oklahoma, is waiting for Grenwinae to catch up with me. I do not think I could bear another year long separation (the first year he was in Missouri, I stayed behind to get our son through his senior year of high school). It shows that finances and/or obtaining employment is not my biggest concern.
The second card was the emotional, social and community aspects of the question/situation: the Hare. I was born the Chinese year of the Rabbit. I have been told that sometimes my thinking process and behavior “hops” about like a rabbit and I have taken Rabbit on as part of my power animal family.
Rabbit is linked to the Moon and the feminine. Hare is about the circle of rebirth, change and transformation. The Hare can quickly navigate, changing direction, using intuition to bring balance and creativity into your life. This is a strong card and brings me a lot of reassurance that I can handle the changes coming up in our life. While these cycles of re-birth are very tiring being so close together, it’s also reassuring that the Hare is with me.
The third card was the physical aspects of the question/situation: the Boar, reversed. This card is a little harder to place and may take some time for events to unfold to become clearer. It deals with the madness that boars can exhibit; pure energy that may seem a bit crazy. The link between madness and intuition.
I could see that moving back to Oklahoma, after two years gone, could be seen to be a bit mad to relatives. Just because the job review wasn’t what we expected, it wasn’t all bad and there was a grain (small grain) of truth if what was said, but it is about the overall corporate environment and how Grenwinae will never fit within it that has been the ultimate reason for our decision.
However, I also know that feeling unadulterated emotion as fully and deeply as you can may feel like your mind is going to explode or you are going to punch someone, it can, after the catharsis bring an empty void, lacking energy, that is almost a relief.
It may also deal with the mad rush of making plans, moving and al that is inherent with changing residences.