Right now I am living a rather exhausted life. I am emotionally depleted due to long term stress and events that have stretched out for five years, or really longer. Just when I think I’ve gotten some things straightened out, we get hit by another whammy. I can’t tell you how much I now have a blank stare when I’m told of something that is once again going to turn my life upside down.
This blankness, part depression, part burn out and part just long term uncertainty, has to be what I actively try to pull myself out of. This impacts trying to plan ceremonies, rituals and holidays. Sure it would have been nice to go all symbolic, take a walk down to the bridge and plan out some sort of ceremony under the full moon.
Just didn’t happen.
I didn’t know if I would be alone in Oklahoma or with Grenwinae in Missouri for Sunday. Friday I had to work and just used the Midsummer day to clear some stones – whether that is a psychological cleansing or something magickal, who knows? The intent on that day was to gain some feeling the stones were ready to be used by ourselves for whatever meditation, ritual or purpose we needed.
By the time Grenwinae got here on Sunday, I had a long list of Must-Do’s to get done. This a problem and contributes to both of our exhausted stress levels. It’s why I’ve had to start picking and choosing, cutting back on what I can get done (what is reasonable? what is the most important?) and why I MUST put down free time with no obligation as one of the important to-do’s.
Releasing a long list of responsibility is actually a huge step for me. I get done what I can. I am not going to kill myself anymore doing the superwoman act. It is what it is.
Our master bedroom has a high, vaulted ceiling. At the south end is a half circle window which always allows the moon to shine in. Last night we used the shelf under that window to offer my Druid Animal and Plant Oracle Decks, my new moonstone, Quartz and Girasol stones to the moonlight.
Than we spent time under the moon doing what couples do.
Afterwards, we relaxed and for the most part, I didn’t worry (too much). I actually felt much calmer and happier the next day even knowing that Grenwinae would be returning to Missouri alone.
Next Esbat is July 22nd