If you’ve been together as a couple for at least 10 years, and you’ve spent those 10 learning and working on your relationship, you start running out of ideas. Now take that time and double it and you come close to the 24 years Grenwinae and I have been married and/or the 25 years we’ve been together.
During that time we’ve done all the suggested romantic and relationship building things: the rose petals, the sensual massages, the late night talks, the card games to learn about each other (btw most of these decks have the worst superficial questions), the roleplaying and some other fun things you don’t need to know about.
The point I’m coming to though is when you start to research other avenues for building or renewing a matured (as in age, not content) relationship, you find yourself checking things off with hmmm did that, done that, have the t-shirt.
It’s rather disappointing the lack of advice or suggestions out there.
Let’s face it, if you’ve gotten to 20 years you either are totally checked out of the relationship and waiting for kids to reach 18 to leave, or you have already learned how to appreciate your partner, fight fair, and communicate. JMO but people who are successful in long term relationships have the ability to learn, change, and adapt, be flexible, respect their partner, have compatible core values, see the humor in the ridiculous, see the partner as friend, and have an intimate, physical relationship that deepens your feelings towards your partner.
So if you are in the same boat, we are, where do you go from there? I’m not sure but I’m willing to throw out the ideas. Grenwinae and I will be working on this month of July – as we have dedicated it to love and appreciating where we are at this time.
The first activity we started was buying two Rose pink Quartz hearts. Rose Quartz has all sorts of allegations about it’s worth as a love stone, which I personally am sitting on the fence about. I don’t know that I buy the whole stone thing and after discussing it with someone at the R__ store who said meanings were attributed in two separate books with different authorship from angel guidance, I definitely have my eyebrows raised.
It’s a pretty little stone though and the heart is a long time symbol of love (since the middle ages), and of course, with the popular culture of celebrating Valentines Day the last century. The color pink also has a long history, some popular culture, associated with love and relationships, particularly the feminine side.
We have both agreed to hold it at least once a day and think positive, loving thoughts about each other. The meditation doesn’t have to last long an I don’t expect some sort of energy current across the miles to zing me in the heart or head. The purpose is to mentally align ourselves with each other – to keep our focus on how we feel about each other – and to foster strength and endurance for the separation we are facing until Grenwinae finds work where I am located.
The principle is simple: think loving thoughts about your partner, deepens your feelings about your partner. Maybe it’s simplicity is baffling to some, but I know from experience if you think negative, disparaging thoughts about someone, that relationship starts to unravel.
I am a big believer in keeping the mind focused on what you want and in feeding the mind the affirmations and images you want it to use as fuel in deciding your moods, emotions and attitude.