Monthly Archives: October 2013

All there is, is Love

Two days ago the Wild was calling me. I hung up the phone and retreated to a book. When I’m emotionally drained, I just want to crawl under the covers, turn off the phone and tell the world to go fuck itself.

Yesterday I felt like I was able to connect and went outside for some time.

It’s never truly dark in the city. It’s one of the things I dislike so much about suburbia. However, the weather was building up for an approaching storm and it is my favorite time of the night – the feeling of a storm brewing, the suppressed electric feel to the air, and the expectancy of Nature letting loose.

I’ve noticed that when the wind starts up there is the beginning of something… a conversation? as this has happened several times before.

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I’m in a difficult and strange situation at work. Due to my age, and life experiences, I understand why my boss is angry and snapping at people. However, from my age and life experiences I also know this behavior won’t solve the problem that she finds herself in.

As a mid-level supervisor, I hear from the folk below me and I sympathize with their situation. I hear from my boss and know where she is coming from. I also know what the most likely outcome of all of this is going to be from my age and life experiences.

Worst is I don’t know what to do about it. I’m an action-rabbit person who wants to hop about and get some stuff done quick-quick. This is not what this situation calls for. My hands are tied and I have few, if any, avenues.

lovecompassionwisdom

This is where I was last night. So the call went out to the Universe and I was reminded that the Universe answers in it’s own time.

I told the Universe I had too much too do…the Universe replied:

that well may be but you need to slow down anyway.

I told the Universe, I didn’t know how to deal with my boss….the Universe replied:

Love and Compassion can be offered from the wellspring of Wisdom.

Or something like that.

So I made this little grouping of Rose Quartz, Girasol, Rhodonite, Pink Calcite and Pink Agate with a spear of Clear Quartz. Flourite sits on top of my Labyrinth – dealing with a maze of emotion.

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I tried to remember compassion during the unexpected staff meeting when she wanted to blame everyone but herself for why things are in the state they are in. I took some deep breaths and grounded myself when she wanted to focus on trivialities instead of the fact business-wise, we are drowning.

Yet, I forgot to be compassionate when I had to terminate someone’s employment. Sometimes my compassion is a miss and I need to work on getting more hits.

I need to use my knowledge to provide the emotional support others need from me – bringing forth love and compassion because I understand though my wisdom what is happening to them and to me.

I need to provide support to Grenwinae by smoothing his path;

I need to focus on the needs of our children for me to stay present with them during these changing, growing up years;

I need to know that my path will present itself when I’m ready and something will appear when I need that;

I need to trust in the Unknown.

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More Massage Blends for Romance

Here are my thoughts and reviews about some of the scent mixes recommended over the Internet. Links have been provided to the original recipe and my adaptations follow the original.

As I’ve written before scent is a very personal thing. You would do well to experiment with these combinations by using cotton balls and see if you and your lover find them appealing before mixing a huge batch and finding out you don’t like them at all! I’ve also found that the original scent changes quite a bit before it settles so give your test a day or so for all the scents to age into each other.

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Original: Sandalwood and Jasmine recipe at Aroma Web. I actually needed something else to tone down the floral as Jasmine often gives me a headache at full strength. You can choose one of the following: Black Pepper (1), Clove (1), Myrrh (1), to slide the scent towards a more masculine appeal; or Clary Sage (2), Rosewood (2), or one of the Oranges for a more fruity uplift.

Silky Spice

2 ounces Massage Oil

Sandalwood (12) ~ you can exchange for Cedarwood

Bergamot (8) ~ exchange with Rosewood, Clary Sage or one of the Oranges

Jasmine (3)

Myrrh (2) ~ you can exchange with Cinnamon Leaf, Cardamom, Black Pepper or Clove Bud

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Mood for Love by Birch Hill: Sandalwood (3) to Rose (2) added to 2 Tbps (or 1 ounce) of Massage Lotion. Again, floral scents way overpower me. A little goes a long way.

Romantic Encounter (Birch Hill) has a combination of Ylang Ylang, Jasmine and Bergamot. Since those two floral scents together would have blasted me away (not in a good way) I didn’t try that one. If you really like florals, it might be worth your experimental effort.

Romantic Massage #1 (Birch Hill) combines equal parts Cedarwood (2) with Clary Sage (2), adding Orange (1) and Vanilla at 10% (5 drops) to 1 ounce massage oil (btw you don’t have to use Almond and I recommend you don’t if you have a nut allergy). Sounded good but as always I can’t stop from meddling.

French Kiss

2 ounces Massage Oil

Cedarwood (8) ~ alternatives would be Sandalwood, Frankincense and even Myrrh.

Clary Sage (8) ~ exchange with Bergamot

Vanilla at 10% (6)

Orange, Neroli (4) ~ if this orange is too sweet for you, exchange with sweet orange.

Romantic Massage #2 (Birch Hill) is the same as the basic Sandalwood/Jasmine mix but at equal drop amounts. Added to the blend is Ylang Ylang and Orange. Because of Jasmine’s strong floral I would actually reduce the Jasmine amount in this recipe by quite a bit. The same goes for Ylang Ylang. Because most of these scents were not my favorites, I didn’t try it but if you like florals a lot go for it!

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Aura Cacia has a lot of online recipes for romance. Most of their recipes are variation on the same theme: Vanilla Essence at a high drop dosage, with added Cardamom and Orange. Or Vanilla with some sort of floral scent (Rose, Jasmine, Ylang Ylang etc..). Probably my favorite was this Chocolove that I made some small changes too:

Chocolate Seduction

Vanilla at 10% (16 drops)

Rose Otto (3 drops)

Sweet Orange (2)

Peppermint, Chocolate (2)

Cardamom (1)

Erotic Blend has Vanilla, Sweet Orange, Cardamom and Rose Absolute. However, looking over the other recipe, I preferred the Sensual Vanilla with a few changes

Guilty Pleasure

1/4 cup Aura Cacia Cocoa Butter

Vanilla at 10% (20 drops)

Orange, Sweet (2)

Cardamom (2)

Clove (2) for masculine/spicy OR Rose Otto (2) for feminine/floral

Spicy Seduction combines Vanilla, Rose and Clove.

Lovers Massage is the same Sandalwood and Rose mix you commonly see. Take that and add Vanilla, you get Lusty Love Massage.

Subtle Seduction has Jasmine, Patchouli and Vanilla. Not a big fan of the first two and knowing how strong Jasmine and Patchouli are, I would doubt this seduction is anything but subtle. LOL!

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Rise to the Occasion

14 Rosemary

6 Ginger

4 Cinnamon

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To make it easier for everyone to know how I do my own work (of course feel free to develop your own method!), I’ve put together this post: Blending a Massage Oil with Essential Oils (photos now added). For my blog, you can click the category Essential Oils & Herbs located on the right and it will show you a directory of posts of all the essential oils I’ve explored on the blog.

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NOTE: I’d recommend being very careful and not use this in the genital area. Really, when it comes to anything in the tender spots, it’s best to use plain old oil (if you really are rambunctious I’d recommend unscented Canola or Olive oil and lots of it). You never know how those sensitive tissues will react to essential oils. And they could react very, very unpleasantly. Your night of passion could end you up in the emergency room instead.

WARNING: If pregnant, some of the above are not recommended so do your research beforehand. Just because something is natural doesn’t mean it isn’t poisonous or toxic! Research and inform yourself! Always do a test on your skin with the diluted massage oil to confirm you and your partner have no issues with the essential oils you have used.

BTW I don’t have sensitive skin, health concerns, not using prescribed or recreational drugs, no allergies, not pregnant etc.. so read up before you use it. Not responsible for you. :)

Magic trick

We are replacing the wood floor in our entry. It was installed over concrete when the house was built and the plan is to put in new wood flooring in the entry and the two adjacent rooms. The night before last, we did a ceremony of protection at the front door and the windows in these rooms.

No one in the house uses the front door – we usually come through the garage. So the front door is more of an entrance to friends, strangers and those other elements of uncertainty. It faces East and while we did our ceremony the candle on the east side of the circle burnt down faster than the other three. It could have been a draft, or it could have been we have a lot of energy coming through – energy that needs to be sorted, harnessed and if necessary, rebuffed. It’s a portal for information, and presences, physical or not.

entrydoorbefore
Now you see it…
entrydoorafter
…now you don’t.

We discussed what we wanted changed from the last 15 years in the house and reaffirmed we were in control of our own destiny:

To manage our income and expenses better by being more aware, taking responsibility and being creative with our work to bring in income;

To finish the remodeling of the house in the next 18 months or less;

To repair the house structure, as it needs exterior repair, paint, roofing, another AC unit and termite protection updated;

To encourage peace, joy, harmony and happiness by allowing in what is beneficial and rejecting harmful elements.

For some reason, I felt far more at peace this time around than I did when we did the house ceremony before. I actually think the physical symbols on the floor give me more comfort than I though they would.

For those interested we used Home Protection Incense from Little Hippie Mama.

Moontalk with Owl

Our bedroom has a large alcove. When I was gone to Canada, Grenwinae painted it for me and decorated the ceiling with tree branches. We have put a lot of our little things there and it’s become a place for me to sit and meditate, facing the rising moon. From the branches hang wooden wind chimes and strands of bells and on the walls are various plaques. Shelves hold our materials of feathers, acorns, glazed pots and stones.

As I sat there my mine was full to bursting, my thoughts running around like four year olds in a toy store. What was Owl trying to tell me? My Monkey mind came up with dozens of interpretations. When I couldn’t calm myself, I thought should I go outside, stay here? what to do!?

Ringing the hanging bells and woodchimes with my gifted willow stick, helped things to settle. I held the moonstones and finally cleared my mind.

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I am allowing myself to get scattered in too many directions. It’s getting harder to succeed with worries and distractions draining my focus. It is hard to hit your target when you’re eyes are darting around to every dust mote in a moonbeam.

Owl’s message is about illness and wellness – when I’m ill, drained, tired, it leaves only the strength to eat skunk – and roadkill skunk at that! I need to focus on getting myself well – mentally and physically, and not let old wounds put me in the trap of dealing with stinky people and situations.

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I pulled the Fire Dragon Reversed (Druid Animal Oracle Deck) – a lot of suppressed anger which I tend to vent in inappropriate ways. Keeping rein on my temper, even though I may have reason to be angry, does not lead to what I want and returns me to the old impetuous ways. I need to divorce my anger reaction to my boss from reason.

I thought about this before doing my employee reviews today… I didn’t need to overwhelm them with my displeasure but focus on what we could do to improve our working situation. I feel things went better with the reviews having contemplated the Fire Dragon beforehand.

Owl returns

Owl started it all.

Owl showed up at work when I was in doubt and confusion to sort out my way. And has had a history of appearing when I have hit rock bottom, and when patience has ended.

Today, after a lot of tension and worry I came back to work after lunch to find an injured owl in surgery. He was found on the side of the road, probably eating roadkill skunk (as he was pretty stinky). The Great Horned Owl has no problem eating skunk as he has no sense of smell.

A part of his wing was broken with the bone protruding. Unfortunately, it was determined that the best option would be euthanasia.

This Owl was young and thin. Probably due to the injury, which was not a new injury, he was eating what he could find for survival. A literal translation would be sometimes you have to eat the undelectable because that’s what you have to do.

I will have to spend time thinking upon this.

A Portent of nothing? and House Protection

I had a dream of receiving a letter from my mother. In the dream my name, written in her distinctive handwriting, was exceptionally clear. A message seems to be awaiting…Hm.

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We are replacing the entry floor at the front door, which faces east. We are putting together something to signify this new time in the same house. I’ll post more about what we have done later.
After we did the cleaning house ritual, it seemed we got hit by several nasty things, yet in the long run were they really a big deal? Life has it downs with it’s ups and stuff simply happens, however I would appreciate things happening in a lesser state 🙂
The financial situation got cleared up and we ended up having extra money to not worry during the distressing time after Grenwinae’s dad’s death. We are able to put money back into the house AND pay off  few of my medical bills incurred over Labor Day.
The jury duty I have postponed and will be doing it the week before Thanksgiving.
I am awaiting a call back from a lawyer regarding a situation. I know the answer and just need it confirmed in legal-language.

A Hawk Circles

A few nights ago another dream of warning: Grenwinae was having to suffocate me for my own “good.”

Shut me up? Keep me quiet? Or just kill me?

I need to make some decisions about work that is going to be unpleasant all the way around.

Today a Red Tailed Hawk slowly circles me, clockwise.

It is time to look for prey – and he cautions for me to take my time doing it.

BTW as of today this blog will be ad-free. The WordPress ads “posing” as content right under my own post (so close they could be conjoined twins) needed to stop. Those ads were not selected by me and hobby blogs with advertising really piss me off.

Exhaustion

I have been exhausted due to work demands. The good news is that I did hear back on my blood tests and I am not anemic and my cholesterol was good. The first being an indicator (if yes) if I had internal bleeding or something. OTOH, my Vitamin D was again low, and my thyroid was on the lower end of normal. So I’m to take Vitamin D, and get re-tested and a full thyroid panel at the end of the month.

This is my favorite time of the year and I don’t even have the energy to enjoy it!

Self-Destruction

The night before last, I had several dreams. The theme was cannibalism – an entity savagely eating itself. The night before I had a dream of the foster mom cat from the clinic being brutally murdered.

These are dreams warning me of what is happening at work. Yeah, not nice dreams but on the whole typical of my dream life which likes to deliver scary stories as life lessons. I know the end of the story that is playing out now. That is what 50 years of life provides – experience and, if you learn from it, wisdom.

I will do my best to carry on. Overall, I like my job and it is convenient. I like the people I work with and I like our clients. But I do not have stars in my eyes from some mistaken belief that I can sacrifice enough, on my own, to save a business. If my boss doesn’t commit 100%, nothing I can do will turn the tide.

I no longer climb up onto the stone altar, take the knife, and cut out my own warm, still beating heart to deliver to an employer. Those days are long past and my chest bears the scars of the many times that knife was self-plunged. It has never been worth it and frankly, I’m too damn old to put up with this foolishness and drama.