An explanation of sorts

If I find myself so angry that I am crying it is time to remove myself from a situation. Whether it is family or work, if I am feeling out of control of myself, it is time to walk away. Yes I have a family of hot tempers, and I have one myself, but I have learned enough self control that if I can’t keep that control any longer, things have gone well past a certain point.

Yesterday I racked my brain as to why that day? Why couldn’t I keep it together? Why did I just lose it and have to walk away? As my boss did nothing that she hasn’t been doing to me for the last seven months.

Today, I think I have that answer. It was the constant stream of bitchiness out of her mouth. Nothing was done right. Nothing met her standards. No thank you’s. No simple courtesies of talking to someone like they are a human being and not filth on her shoe. It wasn’t that what she said was even that important or “bad”  – it was the constant stream of negativity.

It wore me down.

It defeated me.

It was crushing my spirit.

I kept trying to gamble with the devil – I can stay til the end of November, the end of December, I think I can make my year mark in May etc… but it all came to naught.

My survival instinct demanded an immediate evacuation to a lifeboat.

To save myself, I left. I wish it had been with notice and more nice but there it is.

Life moves onward and that job is already under the bridge, swirling away among the debris to go down the river into the vast ocean.

*~*~*~*~*

I have a lot to think over and to write about. I will say no more about my former employer however, I do have some things I want to write about myself.

I have never harmed myself by quitting a job.

I have hurt myself by staying too long at a job.

These are the two things I need to know and remember as fact.

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