I’ve ended up following several blogs that deal with death. I am not sure how all that came about but it seems that the folks who are doing this type of work strike the closest chord to what I think about things (not necessarily doing).
No insult to the other bloggers I follow. I find something interesting in all of them. However, I am not interested in discussing polytheism or debating about people being wrong on the internet, or what someone else thinks I should label myself. That’s one of the benefits of being 50 – I simply don’t care: emotionally, spiritually, or physically.
It’s a Crone thing which I will write about another day.
Grenwinae found a dead rabbit in the backyard. Most likely it was killed by our younger Corgi as she is a hunter (and somehow killed two squirrels and laid them side by side in the middle of the yard even though the squirrels travel on a 8 foot high privacy fence to the back trees).
He also buried it for me and I knew this was wrong.
It was wrong because I am not willing to face death. I am not willing to do the deed of “dressing the dead” and I’ve dug my heels in about it – eyes shut going NO NO NO!
Even though certain Animal Guides are telling me I have some personal learning to do here. Even though Animal Guides are offering a Rite of Passage.
Even when my Animal Guide shows up dead in my yard.
I will have to spend this weekend facing what I didn’t do. It’s not a matter of “appeasing” some sort of Godly Aspect. I was offered a chance to learn and I refused it. I refused a gift and the lack is only going to mean I won’t move onward until I face that.
What does this tell me? because even when you don’t follow THE REALLY BIG HINT TO DO SOMETHING!!! there is a lesson in it:
1.) I let Grenwinae take on a lot of the dirty work around here and in my life;
2.) I don’t want to get my hands dirty (see above);
3.) The corruption of the physical body really disturbs me and I use that as the shield to prevent myself from carrying through to the other side of the Understanding that IM BEING TOLD ABOUT TO DO!!
4.) Deep down – oh so deep – I do not want to think about death.
It is no surprise to Grenwinae I have issues with death. I was about 10 when my dad had his first heart attack. I watched him die at home on the floor of his bedroom of cardiac arrest when I was 21. So yeah, death and me – not really on speaking terms.
Yet, I have burned Owl in a bonfire. I have dressed the dead Hawks and released them back to Spirit. And I have burned the corrupted corpse of Vulture.
I cried, I learned, I went through the Labyrinth and returned from the Underworld. But I didn’t like it one bit. And now Rabbit? Soft, furry Rabbit that has been speaking to me in my front yard these past six months?
A very hard pill to swallow.