Monthly Archives: June 2014

Reading for the new business

I had asked Elena to do a reading for me on the business direction I talked about last week. I really don’t like doing readings for myself too often, and the more important the issue, the less I like to do the reading myself because I don’t want it influenced by my own wishes vs. accuracy. Following is what Elena emailed me, my comments italicized.


Before I begin on the main reading, I am being told that I need to pull a power animal card first, and whatever animal that I get will be your helper and ally on this project. You can invoke this animal, call for aid and this being volunteers to help you now! This is coming through very strong for you right now. ūüėÄ


Chicago Zoological Society

Interesting! This is really cool because your sweet little gypsy caravan sure has a playful vibe to it, and I am getting that the more fun and playful you keep this project, the more successful you will be.

So Dolphin is your ally, and will help you to bring success to your business. Call on dolphin for help, and even place a picture of a dolphin in your trailer when you open up shop! Also, keep your eyes open for signs from the dolphin totem, since this will be valuable guidance regarding this project.

I found this very interesting as two days before Elena sent me the reading, I had suddenly the thought/revelation in my head that if I didn’t approach this “work” with a playful attitude it simply wouldn’t work. I have a tendency to get extremely, seriously focused to a scary level when it comes to work – this business has to be PLAYFUL – and I must HAVE JOY in it! Dolphin I think can help me with this.

So let us now move on to the main portion of the reading. I am using my Goddess Guidance Oracle Cards. Each card will represent advice or information about the future of this project! (I replaced some of her card images with images I found which I liked better ūüôā

YEMANYA: Golden Opportunity

‚ÄúImportant doors are opening for you right now. Walk through them.‚ÄĚ

Wowee! Do you see that dolphin? That is really amazing! So yes, this is a great confirmation that you can work with the dolphin totem for success with this project. But this card says to me that this is an excellent opportunity, and that as long as you walk through the door and make it happen that it will indeed be a golden opportunity for you.

Yemanja is an¬†African/Brazilian Goddess. Her African side is tied to womanhood, especially birth. The Brazilian manifestation is¬†Queen of the¬†Sea. The¬†Sea/Water is the birthplace¬†and sustenance for¬†many things – including ideas. There’s some cool information about her here.

Dolphin again – creative works must come from a spirit of¬†play and not¬†be¬†constrained too much by worry or what-ifs’ or doubts.

An interesting thing is that she is shown holding a mirror up to her face, and I’ve been working on a handheld mirror project ūüôā¬†

I am also getting that it will be very important for you to project absolute confidence regarding this opportunity. The universe is always listening, always taking on the tone that you set, so do not speak any words that are not positive towards a good outcome. Project total confidence and excitement about how this will turn out. This will be like spell working. Only speak uplifting and positive sentences regarding your business.

I can make things happen Рbeautiful wonderful manifestations, but the years have allowed me to let worry and doubt have the upper hand. I will need to put myself into the right frame of emotional-spiritual mind to make this happen Рand if I do that I can make it happen.

DIANA (Artemis): Focused Intention

“Keep your unwavering thoughts, feelings and actions
focused on your target, and you will make your mark.‚ÄĚ

Yes! So again, this is much the same message that I just got. Yet another synchronicity and confirmation. So, focus, set an intention, and do not let your focus waver, do not let your expectation of the positive waver. Once your intention is set, have total and absolute faith for a positive outcome.

The Huntress and patron of Nature and the Innocent. Diana’s energy is relentless, focused and without bend. She is one righteous, bad ass.

I am also getting that it will be important to only discuss this and your other business ventures with those who are supportive and positive about them. Do not ‚Äúdirty the waters‚ÄĚ by allowing people access to your ideas if they are not positive about them. Keep your ideas reserved for yourself and those who are totally supportive.

Again, another interesting serendipity. Because of the negative response I received a few weeks back, I cautioned Grenwinae to be a bit more wily about who he discusses this project with. As it is this will probably be the last mention here on this blog until the business is ready to launch.

LAKSHMI: Bright Future

‚ÄúStop worrying, Everything is going to be fine.‚ÄĚ

This is fantastic for our final card! Lakshmi is like the ultimate money and prosperity goddess, and she is here to bless this project for you! It seems like everything is in order, and that you will indeed have a bright future with this one.

If I needed a Show Me the Money card, I think I got it ūüôā – which is very positive – YAY! Some interesting things here – Lakshmi is seen sitting upon a Lotus in the water (she was born from the ocean). Two of her hands (the spiritual side) hold the Lotus; her material hands shower gold coins.

She also rides the white Owl – depending on what I’ve read it’s because the Owl is foolish and can be controlled by her – or because she rides at night when others sleep. Like the other two goddesses she can be very temperamental about bestowing her favors.

The key is, as it says here to let go of all worry about how it will turn out, and totally trust and have faith that you will be provided for along the way. And getting the prosperity goddess Lakshmi for your last card is certainly a sign that you will!

Elena very nicely had selected two additional cards for me Рthe dolphin at the beginning and the dragon at the end.

The Dragon ~ Power, Strength


 (My business name Cinnabarys actually translates to Dragons Blood).

 This is a great sign! I am really glad that I pulled this card for you at the end, because it confirms your role as a business creator!

So, this is yet again a card of confidence. Be as the dragon is here. Be strong and powerful, which you already are. Just own it in the business world. This all comes back to having confidence about your new project, and riding the momentum of this confidence to bring more energy to your project! I love it! You can do this! The universe fully backs you up!


Thank you Elena! See her Etsy shop with a variety of readings here.


Marion Zimmer Bradley

All you had to do was read her works and see many twisted themes: mind rape, rape of someone that wasn’t mentally capable to fight back, orgies – usually under the influence of some sort of incapacitation, and women stabbing other women in the back. It was Harlequin romance, “women liking a dominant male” bullshit masquerading as cutting edge fantasy.

Read her stuff back in the late 1970’s and said, “uh no thanks.” Didn’t see any feminist themes there at ALL. So not surprised by the recent revelations. Not surprised by people who never really lived with the woman now qualifying the woman’s daughter wouldn’t KNOW she was molested!¬† Same shit that Dylan gets about Woody Allen.

Stop with idolizing and excusing your “heroes” for atrocious acts: Woody Allen, Joe Paterno, Jerry Sandusky, and all the other weirdos. There are plenty of signs out there to see what these people think inside. If you wish to excuse monsters, go ahead. Don’t be surprised though if one of those monsters molested your child.

Get the facts and pull your head out of the sand:

  • 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 20 boys is a victim of child sexual abuse;
  • Self-report studies show that 20% of adult females and 5-10% of adult males recall a childhood sexual assault or sexual abuse incident;
  • During a one-year period in the U.S., 16% of youth ages 14 to 17 had been sexually victimized;
  • Over the course of their lifetime, 28% of U.S. youth ages 14 to 17 had been sexually victimized;
  • Children are most vulnerable to CSA between the ages of 7 and 13.

Don’t think it can happen to you in nice little suburbia? One of my Girl Scout girls had been sexually assaulted by a family friend at the age of 4 and it went on for two years. Don’t delude yourself people – these monsters are living on your block.

rather unpopular thoughts (pagan-wise)

I’m female but I don’t get the whole moon worship thing. The moon does nothing for me. That might be because I’m a Leo or have lived in a very sunny part of the world for most of my life. The moon is pretty but really…. I don’t go all out on Full Moons or dance around about it.

I’m not into the Wheel of the Year – it seems a huge obligation to turn around every 2 months and have yet, another celebration determined by a Celtic/ Wiccan calendar that I don’t follow the religious beliefs of in the first place.

I know those two paragraphs may have felt like you were slapped in the face. It’s OKAY if the moon is powerful to you – or that you love the Wheel of the Year. For me, it’s meh.


I’m not into the worship of my ancestors. Overall, they were a pretty disgusting group who hit pregnant women,¬†killed people in public¬†knife fights, treated their women like chattels, and worked/lived on the lowest rung of the socio-economic ladder.

Yeah, no princesses or leaders in my ancestors. Just hard scrabble people living on the edge who either killed their enemies immediately (patrilineal line) or held a grudge til they could stab you in the back (matrilineal line).

Personally, I have no need to ask them for any intervention in my life. I know they gave me the physical stamina¬†to pull a plow,¬†birth¬†that baby, and get back to picking cotton (baby with the umbilical cord still attached), all the while having my drunk husband give me a blow to the head because I didn’t get¬†as many rows plowed as I should have – thanks Ancestors!


I’m really getting tired of moderates having to apologize for what they write! (like this guy)¬†My recommendation is 1.) every twit with Internet access and commenting ability doesn’t need to be listened to and placated; and 2.) STOP apologizing or trying to accommodate. Say what you have to say – if you really believe it.

It’s okay to be a sane voice in the wilderness of loonies. The right side of the political spectrum wants moderates to shut up. We are a much larger threat to them than the far left.


Here’s an idea Pagans (or whatever alternate group you want to self-identify as), stop your shit stirring. If I wanted to be told how to think, how to worship, how to interpret my Ancestors or Gods/Goddesses, I would join the Catholic Church.

Haven’t joined any church in over 50 years and so yeah, do you get the message? I do the things I want because it doesn’t harm anyone else or infringe on any laws. I support your right in this country to do the same. I can call myself whatever I want. I don’t need your “community permission” to do so.

Freedom is a beautiful thing. It’s the oddest thing that people, in a fringe community, wants to take it away from others.

business ventures


During one of our wrap-up trips to Missouri, I was inspired with the idea of starting a local alternative retail store here in Tulsa. I started working on that plan (Cinnabarys) and some of you already know about it. However, I also knew finances would not allow me to jump in with a retail store right away, though I could do something online and start out small.

Suffice to write that I still have plans for Cinnabarys and it will happen (though slower than I thought). It will probably remain as an online outlet only with perhaps a local representation (more about that later in this post). For now you can follow Cinnabarys via the blog or Facebook or Pinterest.

I did a lot of research so I also know a few other things: the store must make money as I cannot afford another “hobby” (horses are expensive enough as it is) and Pagans (or whatever alternate you follow) simply don’t provide enough buying power to keep a store in business. Too many pagan-oriented stores are struggling, with owners losing hope and begging for patrons. The online competition is also very stiff.

Also, in doing my Google Analytics research there was far more interest in sidelines to¬†my original concept (for example, far more people search for Chakras than Spells – isn’t that interesting?). Hmmmmm

This has morphed into a separate retail store idea called Gypsy Gear (I’m only on Pinterest for now) which can appeal to a wider audience.¬†¬†The¬†opportunity¬†of¬†lower risk opportunity for a weekend retail store (I work a job Monday through Thursday to keep me and mine in food and shelter) in a very nearby shopping area developed.

However, after talking with some folks it was discouraging as they didn’t like the landlord (you can rent a small shop in the complex, or a booth/table). These folks were¬†suggesting booths¬†but what¬†I want is a full-store shopping EXPERIENCE… that suits my aesthetic and provides things that are fun, fascinating and a bit¬†quirky.¬†People should leave and go wow that was cool, interesting, neat or whatever! It should be an experience.

Last night, after manifesting daughters’ weeklong cold, I had some further inspiration. So here is the idea – a vintage camper turned into a shopping boutique. I could still do the retail shopping center that I am thinking of (I won’t mention their name til it’s a done deal) and I could do craft fairs etc…

The vintage trailer pictured above is from Craigslist for $700; I figure it will take at least $2,000 in renovation. We would gut the interior and make it a store – a store that moves – like a Gypsy caravan!

I’m really thinking this would be cool in so many ways¬†– and it can have a touch of Cinnabarys (the more witchy version) there too.

Hmmm…. rubbing hands….

vintage_camper_1 vintage_camper_2

Heart full of Horses (part two)

I knew to get back to riding on a regular basis would mean a push through. I needed to just stick to it and I would break through the wall and be back to my regular confidence. I knew this from real experience – after an emergency room visit after a horse riding accident it took me months to get back to where I was before. I also knew this from working with adult riders who had to work through emotional difficulties – those that had the break through were those who stuck to a schedule and kept going.

I knew, from watching the rent-a-rider, that 95 percent of what Zara did I could deal with it. She wasn’t that far out of my comfort zone but I needed to really believe that bone deep, not on an intellectual level.


I am riding. I am only walking but it is more than five minutes sitting and shaking on the back of my horse.

I’ve gone from being hesitant to throwing my leg over and vacillating for 15 minutes about getting on, to mounting within moments. When I settle down in the saddle, I feel confident and ready. The last time I mounted, Zara did a step backward and I told husband that I was on and to clear the area as we were in motion – as opposed to backing off and re-aligning Zara next to the mounting block.

When I rode her 18 months ago, she had the feeling she didn’t know what to do about her balance. When she moved, I wondered if she would fall (and once she almost did) as she did not know how to coordinate with a rider. After those experiences, I spent hundreds of hours of groundwork, building her balance – improving her back – teaching her how to stand straight and balanced.

All the groundwork with Zara has paid off as I can feel that she is square and solid under me even when she is turning her head to bite a fly off her leg. This in turn gives me confidence and belief in her.

I can see myself doing much more that what we have done – finally I see that progress can happen instead of a hope and a wish. By the end of the month we will be trotting. By the end of the summer, I think we will be working on short trail rides around the property. I can see this happening and I feel it is going to happen.

Every ride produces a huge leap forward in what I want to do and what I feel I can do (what is within my abilities and my cautious nature as well as what Zara is capable of). None of this would be of real interest to “real” riders as these are such baby-steps of progress. However, it is meaningful to me – very meaningful.

This produces a deep contentment and peace within me. Something is getting satisfied that husband, children and job cannot and will never give me.

Something is starting to shift on my end and that is what I wanted to write about. It is about my type of magick, because horses and my connection to them has been my longest, practicing magick.

It’s a small thing. A fragile plant that has emerged a stalk from hard soil. It could easily be stepped on and I’m still cautious about its survival. Yet even the mightiest oak begins with an acorn.

My Heart full of Horses (part one)

The more important something is in your life the harder it is to explain. I’ve wondered about what to write about unfolding events but it deals with horses, and this isn’t my horse blog.

Yes, there is a horse blog but I haven’t posted in it for a long time. The reason for my silence¬†is tied up in the reason why I’m posting about it here and now: I felt like I had written and done all I wanted to do for public consumption when it came to horses.¬†

Some of these reasons are hard ones for non-horse people to understand. The horse community as a whole is a condemning, judgmental lot where no one is to admit fear or doubt. I’ve never “fitted in” to this world and I’ve learned (Crone-Wisdom) not to care anymore that I don’t.

I also share little with horse people who are wrapped up in using the horse as a reflection of their ego, prowess or need for love. I am not interested in sharing time (as I was forced too when teaching riding lessons) with middle aged women of low self esteem have finally bought a first horse to serve as Love-Vending-Machine yet discover¬†they now own a 1,000 pound animal which can live up to 30 years and can casually break¬†their neck (and doesn’t equate love with putting up with your shit).

Okay, so I am getting sidetracked but some of this you must need to know to follow the story. Stick with me…

For the last few years I’ve been flirting with the idea of getting out of horses completely. This started when my favorite horse died and intensified when I realized Zara was going to be “different.”

I did buy Zara shortly after¬†my horses’ death¬†(stupid move) and my intention was to go a different direction – start a horse from scratch which I have never done (mostly I’ve worked on re-training horses already started). I thought this would give me a renewed interest.

These plans for Zara got stymied as she proved to be quite a difficult horse. My plans were to use alternative (as opposed to traditional) methods to train her and see what would happen. What happened was I had an extremely dominant and potentially aggressive horse whose mother was the same way (there is definitely a genetic link in personalities).

For the first few years I sincerely doubted she would make a riding horse as she was so resistant to being asked anything. As time passed I kept working with her and we made some progress. I sent her off to another trainer for 90 days of her first under-saddle work as I wasn’t interested in breaking my own neck.

Again, to non-horse people I will explain a bit. Having a horse come back with 90 days, under saddle just produces a ‘green’ horse. These horses are not considered finished or ready for much; they are still very reactive and inexperienced with riding and living a life in a “people house.” A big mistake many make is kicking these horses back out to pasture because life gets in the way, or the owner doesn’t have enough experience to continue the riding.

I didn’t have time to ride¬†and¬†didn’t like the place where we were boarding, but I knew she needed to continue in her training. Thus I hired a rider to work her under my supervision. I persevered, but my motivation was low.

About this time, my life went into major flux. My marriage was under pressure, our finances were broken, and my husband needed to change jobs. By the time Zara returned from the trainer, Grenwinae had moved to Missouri. I needed to remain in Oklahoma another year as our son was finishing his senior year of high school. The problem of Zara went to the back burner.

I thought when we were in Missouri, living on the same property with the horses, would mean I would have a lot of time. The opposite happened as I went back to work and the drive home meant often it was dark when I did get home.

Now we are back in Oklahoma and the excuses have to end. I made a promise (I said the same thing last summer) that if I didn’t get to riding Zara this summer, she would have to be sold.

Spook Central

Dr Ray Stantz: Of course you forget, Peter. I was present at an undersea, unexplained mass sponge migration.
 Dr. Peter Venkman: Ray, the sponges migrated about a foot-and-a-half.

When we were shopping at a local (favorite) store in Springfield, we overheard a couple discussing with the clerk a problem with fairies. This doesn’t surprise me at all. Those are probably typical conversations in the type of store we were visiting, but also the Ozarks are a strange and weird place.

When I was in college studying for my English degree, I took a course on Hawthorne. While best known for The Scarlet Letter, he wrote short stories that centered about the weirdness of the New England area – as did H.P. Lovecraft.

The Ozarks gives me the same feeling those stories did. Here are a few of my experiences….

After leaving Springfield, it took almost an hour to get home. The beautiful drive took you along on a two lane state highway, winding its way through the Ozarks. Inevitably as soon as I passed a certain point, it was as if my sense of direction suddenly hit a wall; I no longer knew which direction I was going – and looking at maps, watching the cars’ directional compass (which also freaked out) never fixed it.

Even after being told numerous times – this was was north – I would still feel that it was east. Since I’m rather known for my sense of direction and almost inability to get lost, this was odd indeed.


The back of the property we rented faced into undeveloped woods. There were two beautiful trees which stretched over the back deck – and under one I did my first ceremony.

However, while I continued to love looking out the windows to see the beautiful birds attracted to our feeder, I never fully trusted to be in this area for any length of time. This was due to an incident when we were back there attempting a bit of cleanup. I bent over to fix the hose on the pump and something as firm as a hand shaking yours, patted me on my butt. I spun around thinking it was Grenwinae, only to find him working elsewhere in the yard.

I’m actually the opposite of an “imaginative” personality. I have been called by my siblings as practical. I’m feet on the ground. If you asked those who knew me if I was a person who imagined things they would probably spew milk out of their nose in surprise.

My upbringing and my genetics make me extremely guarded. I have protections on top of protections and I knew something was trying to breach those. I never went back there again unless I was with Grenwinae and I kept my time limited.


One of the big advantages to our property was that it was across from the Mark Twain National Forest. We had a lot of great experiences down there but here I will relate another inexplicable event.

I took Zara down there to graze many times. Learning to mind me and having a change of scenery was part of her training. On one trip down, Grenwinae went with me and took some time to explore a cement house foundation while I grazed my horse.

At one point, Zara and I came up through some light trees and when she saw Grenwinae sitting on the porch steps, she utterly freaked. Now horses freak out when they see something unusual or something out of place. That isn’t something to get concerned about or to start deciphering supernatural events. However, there were several tip offs to this specific time being¬†an unusual event.

First, Zara is not a “spooky” horse. She is unflappable and there are many instances I could give to show you that she is more likely to charge something and eat it, than take a fright.

Next, she would not calm down as long as we stayed in the area Рthis was an horse in fear. When we moved from the spot, she immediately returned to her normal self. Most horses taking a fright, can remain nervous for an extended period of time even once removed from whatever stimuli excited them.

Grenwinae said he felt nothing but old, faint memories at the house remains but I never trusted that spot either. I have a symbiotic relationship with my horses that goes deeper than companionship. I trusted her response.


These are just a few of my stories. ūüôā

Cleaning and preparing Vulture’s Gift

The Griffin I had bought yesterday is to honor my connection with Vulture. According to some these two are connected and that is how I view my relationship with Her: outwardly a Vulture; the shadow-self, a Griffin.

I am nearing the end of cleaning my Vulture feathers from the dead Vulture I found dead on the side of the road during our last day when cleaning out our rental house in Missouri.  They were stored in the freezer for 2 weeks; in the garage for 10 days; and now back in the freezer for 2 weeks (process here).

I have been thinking over what the final rinse to clean them will be. I have decided upon a mixture from the Cedar tree in our backyard, blended with Frankincense and Orange (similar to my Vultures Tears oil blend).

Cedar: While not Juniper, it is related in appearance and scent. This tree actually grew over the grave of one of our little hamsters. Alternatives would be Juniper, Cypress¬†or Cedarwood. These are “cemetery” trees – often planted there because of their evergreen needles/leaves (memory of the deceased is evergreen etc…).

Orange to represent the Sun: Vulture worships the sun, spreading her wings out each morning to dry them. She is Solar and Wind.

Frankincense: cleansing, purification, and consecration. Meditation and prayer. In my mind Frankincense, as well as Cedar, is very tied to the dead.

I have been thinking of what direction these Animal Guides of mine could be associated with. Ma’at had wings that were thought to be those of a Vulture;¬† Nekhbet was a Vulture – though both are of Egypt though I think Nekhbet as Mother of All Mothers is more of how I see Vulture.¬†Vulture is also¬†a Psychopomp.

While I wondered if Vulture would be connected to the West (endings) or the North (mystery and death), if feels right that She would be connected to the East due to her sun greeting ways and ability as a windrider. While She rends your flesh to free your soul, its about new beginnings because they cannot come without the loss of something else.

For me Owl seems clearly connected to the North. Owl is about silence and mystery. The unknown and the feared.

Rabbit to the South – to summer, abundance, and fertility. Although Willow, which I connect to Rabbit, is affiliated with the West, which goes to show you that things are not tidy sometimes.

Hawk to the West. Because Hawk has no pretensions and acts as He is driven, without hesitation.

Or so I think at this moment.

Mother Griffin

We made a one-day up and back trip to Missouri to work on moving things out of the storage unit. Thankfully, it looks like we are down to one last trip in order for it to be completely empty. I will write more about this later…

The main thing I wanted to share is that I picked up something I had been coveting: this Mother Griffin with her two offspring. I had read that Vultures were a manifestation of Griffins and I have two children (hmmm cublings?¬†fledgings? griffits?). Obviousy, son is the one biting his foot; the serious, focused one is daughter. Overall,¬†this is very apt for my situation and will be going onto my altar space tomorrow. I did promise Hawk a representation yet have found nothing so far; I’ll¬†go online and search.



Owl laughs

At the barn many baby bunnies. That kinda happens when you see bunnies frolicking around in the grass ūüôā

One was bolder and a bit bigger. He explored further afield. I think he was a boy. The girl stayed closer to home, cautious but when she moved she did so quickly. She liked to stay near places where she could hide if need be.

The amazing thing about rabbits is they hop around in the open and most people do not see them. Or if you see them, and shift your eyes away for a second, they blend away into the grass, vanishing if by magic. For being so vulnerable to predators they take some amazing risks.

I’ve been hesitant to get¬†into big projects right now with Mercury in Retrograde (my experience is¬†everything gets a kink in it when done during this time). My thoughts, after seeing the bunnies, is that it’s okay to¬†explore¬†some creative ideas but keep them baby sized.


At the barn I was thinking (once again), I guess I won’t see an owl (not being in the wilds anymore) and than Owl was JUST THERE! On the way home, we saw a very large bird flying. I am pretty positive it was an owl due to it’s body shape and wing stroke pattern.

I am realizing that Owl has rather a mischievous sense or humor about things.


The weather is beautiful here. The honey moon was huge Рit rose while we drove home thinking of new spring life and large owls.