I knew to get back to riding on a regular basis would mean a push through. I needed to just stick to it and I would break through the wall and be back to my regular confidence. I knew this from real experience – after an emergency room visit after a horse riding accident it took me months to get back to where I was before. I also knew this from working with adult riders who had to work through emotional difficulties – those that had the break through were those who stuck to a schedule and kept going.
I knew, from watching the rent-a-rider, that 95 percent of what Zara did I could deal with it. She wasn’t that far out of my comfort zone but I needed to really believe that bone deep, not on an intellectual level.
I am riding. I am only walking but it is more than five minutes sitting and shaking on the back of my horse.
I’ve gone from being hesitant to throwing my leg over and vacillating for 15 minutes about getting on, to mounting within moments. When I settle down in the saddle, I feel confident and ready. The last time I mounted, Zara did a step backward and I told husband that I was on and to clear the area as we were in motion – as opposed to backing off and re-aligning Zara next to the mounting block.
When I rode her 18 months ago, she had the feeling she didn’t know what to do about her balance. When she moved, I wondered if she would fall (and once she almost did) as she did not know how to coordinate with a rider. After those experiences, I spent hundreds of hours of groundwork, building her balance – improving her back – teaching her how to stand straight and balanced.
All the groundwork with Zara has paid off as I can feel that she is square and solid under me even when she is turning her head to bite a fly off her leg. This in turn gives me confidence and belief in her.
I can see myself doing much more that what we have done – finally I see that progress can happen instead of a hope and a wish. By the end of the month we will be trotting. By the end of the summer, I think we will be working on short trail rides around the property. I can see this happening and I feel it is going to happen.
Every ride produces a huge leap forward in what I want to do and what I feel I can do (what is within my abilities and my cautious nature as well as what Zara is capable of). None of this would be of real interest to “real” riders as these are such baby-steps of progress. However, it is meaningful to me – very meaningful.
This produces a deep contentment and peace within me. Something is getting satisfied that husband, children and job cannot and will never give me.
Something is starting to shift on my end and that is what I wanted to write about. It is about my type of magick, because horses and my connection to them has been my longest, practicing magick.
It’s a small thing. A fragile plant that has emerged a stalk from hard soil. It could easily be stepped on and I’m still cautious about its survival. Yet even the mightiest oak begins with an acorn.