I am in a limbo. I need to wait for a lot of events to happen and these events won’t be solved for years. Discouraging to say the least but we are ants moving one grain of sand at a time. I’ve used this as an excuse not to do stuff, including getting out to nature. I think this is a bit of the sullen part of me – kinda like a finger to life’s circumstances which has brought me back to Tulsa and to a house I don’t want to live in.
I decided I had been moping too much and sat under a Cottonwood tree, waiting for Grenwinae to get off his bus commute. I wasn’t there long but got the clear message that I needed to stop playing the victim card and start doing what I can do.
Grenwinae walked over to greet me and found a Blue Jay feather next to where I sat. Affirmation.
Blue Jay is a member of the Corvidae family which also includes Ravens, Jays and Mockingbirds. They can be just as intelligent and mischievous as their cousins. When we lived in Missouri, we had a flock (over 16 counted) of Blue Jays that hung around the property; I’ve never seen them before since in such numbers. It seems that they do migrate so I’m guessing they were spring arrivals and hadn’t quite dispersed yet to build nests and raise families.
The Blue Jay’s coloring mimics the heavens, and with his crest of feathers is often connected with spiritual work. But he also is seen as a bit of a dilettante – jack of all trades, master of none – moving off to grab another pretty, and dropping the first. He’s a reminder to keep my goals on track and keep my energy focused (something I have not been doing since July).
My father always found and kept Blue Jay feathers in his hat. That little feather of blue and black with a white tip also serves as reminder of him.
When I got home I decided that one simple thing I could do to work towards my ultimate goal (sell this house, massively downsize and live in the country) was to go through our books and start making a wishlist on Amazon to get them moved onto Kindle.
I never thought I would move to digital books – I love reading a “real” book – but after having my tablet for more than a year the convenience and simplicity to see all my books, pick one I want and start reading has been seductive.
The reality is we probably have a 1,000 books and they are a pain to physically move and the next house will not have the space to store or display them. I generally give myself a $25 budget each paycheck to start transferring books – always looking for specials.
Cleaning through the books is giving me the feeling I am making progress – and as a person who is action oriented this really helps my emotional self, which in turn powers me to get other things done too.
BTW you can check out my Cinnabarys Amazon profile here.