I walked up the gravel drive – it was strangely the opposite of another walk into the darkness done over a 18 months ago where I had begun this journey – where I entered the National Forest – the unknown, the febrile dark – to give a thank you for the gift of two Vulture feathers.
Now my walk was upward. I chose a place under the shadow of the trees and settled down. The first problem I had was my Palo Santo would not light. It took me many tries before I got it burning and started a chant I had planned:
The Life that was Before
Is no more.
What we toiled for
Sent us through another Door.
The cord is cut
The rope is frayed
Shed and Dead.
It could not Last
We release it Now
And give it a Bow
Farewell (3 times)
When I got to the line about release, the Palo Santo went dead out. Okay. This isn’t going as planned… I quieted my mind and put out a call, holding my Vulture and Owl in my hands. No answer.
Hello? Anyone out there? I had this big meditation thing planned where I would be sobbing and crying over the past in order to release it and the only thing that has shown up here is crickets, cicadas and frogs. I think someone here is falling down on their JOB!
I used my Vulture feathers, running the tips across my face – they smelled faintly of Grandma’s cedar box where I stored them. I had the sense that these feathers, collected from the National Forest across from our old Missouri home, were done with their work. It was time to cast them out and replace them.
Faintly like a whisper: you’ve done the releasing – that is over – stop trying to do more “letting go!” I was given the impression to prepare for a new stage – one of growth.
I was puzzled as to why none of my animal guides seemed present. I had only seen one Vulture this entire trip and that was right as we started out from Oklahoma. No hawks. Some very faint, far away Owl hoots.
Again an answer: someone (new) will be sent for this work.
Again, I tried to light the Palo Santo and it refused – a bit irked.
You are done here! No more is needed (didn’t I get the memo!)!
I said thank you and headed back to the house. At the fire, I pulled this reading from the Druid Animal Oracle Cards:
Hawk reversed (my animal guide blocked!) ~
Be balanced in your outlook – not too wide, not too close.
Owl reversed (another animal guide blocked!) ~
be active in the world. New beginnings.
Air Dragon ~ Intuition and creative flashes. Insight and Clarity. A messenger.
Now Monkey Mind quickly followed:
1.) WOULD “someone” show up? What if no one did???
2.) Would I RECOGNIZE it when it did?! What if I’m not paying enough attention?
3.) What if it isn’t something I LIKED? Please don’t be that Praying Mantis that was trapped in the house and than was on the fire pit circle.
4.) What if it doesn’t WORK???