Monthly Archives: June 2015

Killing the ones we love

479px-Bald_Eagle_PortraitI made a decision Friday that is devastating and irrevocable. It was necessary and had to be done; I know it was the right decision but I am horribly sad and grieving. Sorry for the tease, I won’t be sharing it here as it has nothing to do with this journal – only the aftershocks does.

Yesterday, I decided to keep busy running errands and we headed off to the store. I spotted a beautiful Red Tailed Hawk flying in circles (he flew relatively close right over my car) and pulled over in the parking lot to watch for a moment. Later, as I pulled around to park, a large shadow crossed my car and I looked up again to see his mate.

They were flying high, circling together, supporting each other and taking the long view.

That morning I had impatiently pulled a card from my Druid Animal Oracle. I was in the whatever-the-fuck-okay-I’ll-do-this-it-means-nothing-nothing-means-anything mood and got The Eagle. Because of how I pulled it, I don’t know if it was right side up or reversed.

The Eagle has many of the same qualities as The Hawk – wide view, focused attention, staying on target, striking at the right moment; however, where he deviates is his connection to Heaven and Earth, Heart and Mind, and the balance between them.  He has a stronger connection to Grace, Courage, the Spiritual World of Heaven and reducing the over analytical thinking mind and allowing the intuition from the heart to have its say.

After I told Grenwinae about pulling the card and seeing the Hawks, he remembered a dream he had the night before that he had planned on telling me (I’m sure in the morning chaos and anger that got lost in the shuffle):

He was waiting for me in a building. Noticing they had an atrium, he went over to sit under a tree. He heard a bunch of noise above him and saw three mature Bald Eagles in the branches. He thought: “I have to tell Becky about this!”

No, I didn’t feel cured of my despondency or even better about what I decided to have done but I know it was the right and correct decision, no matter how painful and devastating. Sometimes you have to see the big picture and have the courage to make the break – to order the hangman’s noose, to pull the lever and press the plunger.

I am still too heartbroken to figure out the entire message here. I am not surprised that an Animal Guide had to go sideways  – through Grenwinae – to reach me during this time as I have put up barriers so I can weather through this.

I’ll think about it later. When I’ve picked up all the broken pieces of my heart and get back to doing more than just functioning.


Cleansing and Charging during the Strawberry Moon


Our bedroom is quite large, it has a cathedral, peaked ceiling and a large half circle window that is south facing. Because of this we get a lot of moonshine coming down for over half of the night as the moon rises in the east (we have an east facing window), and than crosses over the southern sky.

There is a shelf under this window which we built and our bed headboard is underneath so it has become a place to put up items we want to expose to the moon especially when the outdoor weather is just too nasty (rain, snow etc..) to be outside. Unfortunately, our backyard is not private from our neighbors so doing much out there is restricted in my mind.

Of all the inner places in the house, my bedroom is my Sacred Space. My private space that I try to keep out bills, worries and fights. There is an alcove in this room where my altar sits but when I’ve used incense or burned herbs, it really makes a problem for Grenwinae and his allergies.



Last night I had a lot of stones and crystals to cleanse. I mean a lot because the last few times we had a full moon, there was no moon visible due to cloud cover.

Due to the quantity and the issues with smoke in our sleeping area, I decided to wash them in rainwater which was a new thing. I actually like to use at least two methods at one time to cleanse my rocks – that’s just me. It’s a security issue I guess with me.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. This is probably a bit boring or self evident to you but I have a little routine I do before sitting down for Moon work (if done indoors).

1.) Anything in the bedroom that does not belong is removed. This meant all the box stacks of sons’ packing his room was transferred to the attic (which is located through the master bedroom closets).

2.) The bedside night tables are cleaned off and wiped with dust rags. This includes the massive wood dresser where I arrange other pieces across the top. Everything is pared down and re-arranged to what I want to inspire myself with. Out with the clutter!!

3.) The room is vacuumed. It’s a great idea to wash all the bed linens that morning or night before; I didn’t this time as I had recently washed them. Nothing like a fresh bed!

4.) Last night we filled the room humidifier with some Lavender. I think this really helped us sleep better that night. Other helpful Essential Oil scents would be Pine, Thyme, Peppermint, Eucalyptus, Lime, Orange, Bergamot, or Cedarwood. These are all affordable EO’s which really lend energy and a feeling of freshness to a room.

5.) I generally light some candles that I have that are pine scented. Pine is a great cleanser but again, other choices could be any of those I listed above. Be wary of using a lot of floral scents unless they are on the lighter side of the spectrum as they can get cloying after a while JMO.

Because we have cats, the animals are generally removed from the area at this point.

6.) I collect together whatever I will be using for my work. Last night I got the rainwater I had collected over the year and poured it into a special ceramic pitcher I had bought last year that really spoke to me. We also got a bowl to catch the water overflow.

From around the house we gathered up all the gemstones and crystals. I have a few displays where I keep a group of likeminded stones for specific work:

at the door, a Protection bowl full of Black Obsidian, Snowflake Obsidian, Jet, Smokey Quartz, Clear Quartz, a Shungite Palm Stone, Onyx and Black Tourmaline cluster in a matrix;

Good Fortune and Money a group containing Citrine, Pyrite, Goldstone, Green Moss Agate, Aventurine, Nephrite Jade, and Yellow Fluorite;

a Earth and Forest, Shaman-Animal collection of Red Jasper, Tiger Iron, Tigers Eye, Indian Suleiman, Tree Agate, Chaorite, Leopardskin Jasper, and Sardonyx;

Gentle Healing a love stone collection of Rose Quartz, Pink Agate, Pink Calcite, Rhodonite, Pink Tourmaline, Bloodstone, Blue Lace Agate, Amethyst, and Howlite;

Sexy times with Carnelian, Orange Calcite and a Lingam stone.

I also have larger stones and eggs I use on their own including my large Tiger Iron, Obsidian palm stone, Rhodonite Yoni Egg etc…

7.) I like to shower or bathe sometime before beginning.  Than, I usually start my work with the ringing of bells and meditation with grounding and breathing exercises.


Last night we poured water all over the stones and cleaned their display plates. Everything seemed to gain a sparkle afterwards. Than up to the window shelf where they basked in the Moon rays.

In the morning, they got taken down and put back into place although I’ll be doing some re-arranging and further sorting them out. I’ve been really lax about keeping the stones washed and cleansed and I need to get a routine of doing it. Also, some of this collection needs to go! Too much!

We both woke up feeling at peace and very calm, despite all the waves we’ve been hit by. Time to take a deep breath and during the rest of this Mercury Retrograde just focus on wrapping up tasks, cleaning the home, taking time and using patience.



Friday morning Grenwinae took son to his first court appearance. This is all part of the bullshit that has been happening these last 3 weeks. As part of his scholarship he had to volunteer. When he volunteered they put him in the beverage tent and he was racking up beers which the beverage manager was to distribute. Well, boss didn’t check an ID and my son got ticketed!

A lawyer has been hired and they went last Friday to get the next court date scheduled. It is one reason why he has been full of crabbiness. But hello…! It was not my fault you delayed your volunteer work till the last minute and than got into this fix.

So after some of that brouhaha, Grenwinae and I thought we do a quick run to Lowes and get some lights we needed for the kitchen. The operable words here “quick run.” Well as you can guess…


The skies were still overcast and there was a short break in torrential downpours. As I turned into the Lowes parking lot there are two guys trying to get something out of a tree. At first, I thought it was a baby bird but than realized the sound was a kitten.

The kitten struggled, they dropped it, it ran under some nearby cars. Okay, okay we are taking an orphaned kitten home because I am not going to let it get killed on the most dangerous intersection in Tulsa, Oklahoma (yes it is officially this for the State). I would not have been able to sleep at night knowing that we had let that kitten out there.

Our best guess is mom was moving her kittens in the storm and this one got separated from the group. Mom, being feral, was not going to come out with all these people about even if she was still around. Or she might have been killed herself and couldn’t come back.

It was pretty weak, obviously a feral kitten that is about 4 weeks or younger, covered with fleas. I wondered if it would survive the first day but it picked up with food and has now gained weight and is active.

It WILL NEED A HOME… luckily it has beautiful coloring so once we get it thoroughly de-fleaed and it’s first check up I’m looking for a foster home where it can be around other kittens and learn how to be a cat.


The next day Grenwinae went to OKC to take son to Norman, OK where he will be started OU this summer. Son discovers a trapped bird in the net MIL had spread over her fish pond to prevent cats from eating the fish.

Grenwinae “bird whispers” it and it lies passively while he cuts it free. Then it flew off. An amazing adventure for him.

The kitten though is still here….