Category Archives: Dreams

Change of course

Daughter is going to the local community college and will be ready to transfer in the Summer of 2018. Most likely she will transfer to where son is attending college now, and they will room together for one year before he finishes. With both of them in college, the near future plan was to sell the house and build on land in Oklahoma.

I don’t want to live in Oklahoma. That is no secret but I figured since husband’s job is going so well (really well – raises, bonuses and great people to work with) we would not be able to leave until he retired.

Well… there has been a huge upheaval in the thinking process about this because husband’s job would allow him to work from home – at a distance – in another state. We figure that as long as he came back one week every 3 weeks or once a month, he would be okay with work.

Wow! Okay so that opened up a lot of possibilities.

I made the comment to husband that wouldn’t it be a dream to move to Eureka Springs, where we honeymooned 28 years ago and have always wanted to live? where we had attempted to move when I got a job in Siloam Springs but which never happened for him…?

I didn’t think we could afford it (because the plan is to downscale in a major way, which means reducing bills big time).

But I looked on and yes, we could afford it.

We could make it work.

It could happen.


So while this won’t happen for some time, the seeds need to be planted right now. There’s a lot of to do and consider. The first plan is to make a reconnaissance trip to Eureka Springs in early spring 2017, before the tourist season gets started.

So exciting! so terrifying!

Sorry I’ve been gone so long – this blog is my lowest priority so it has been ignored but not forgotten.


my life right now is complicated

I’ve been absent from the blog as I’ve been consumed with work, my children and my horses. I am living in the vortex of a huge amount of stress and this morning had this dream that woke me up at 4 a.m. (you might have seen my earlier post about my daughter – I deleted it because ranting here about my soon to be 18 year old offspring is not what I do and that was done in a fit of rage and frustration):

I was driving a car with husband as passenger in the front seat. Ahead of me on the horizon, I saw some stormy weather and was just starting to comment we might want to look at the news when the top of the car was ripped off by a tornado.

I was sucked upwards, as if I had gone completely weightless. I looked down and could see my husband who was looking up. I shouted down to him and felt a deep loss I wouldn’t see him again (because of course I was going to die).

The wind around me got faster and was starting to spin me more towards the heart of the action.

My thoughts became panicked and desperate. If I kept going up, I was going to die and I just didn’t really want to do that. I started swimming with my arms trying to rotate myself and “dive” back down.

About this time, I started coming awake, and my conscious will kicked in so I forced the dream to allow the wind to release me, and the last thing I remember from it was landing on my left shoulder and husband running towards me.

My daughter has issues. My son has issues. I’m rather worn out and tired o their issues. I have decided to let the cards fall where they may and back out of their lives as much as feasible. They will sink or swim. They can listen to my advice and let me help them, or they can go get full time jobs and learn the joy of minimum wage and flipping hamburgers.

I have a retired horse in his mid twenties that I have decided to euthanize. It was a long hard decision and many tears but his health is deteriorating and where I can afford to keep him has no one trustworthy or knowledgeable if disaster strikes while I am out of town.

It is a complicated situation because he has to be fed separately and now I no longer can keep him separated from his pasture mates due to changes in the way the barn operates. I also have no one that is willing to feed and he must be fed daily.

I have talked with my vet about it, and the possibility of him ending his life in terrible pain is highly likely (he has bowel issues). Right now I have the money to pay for a proper burial (and for those who have never dealt with horse related deaths, burying a 1,000 pound animal is not an easy situation like burying a dog or cat) and the weather hasn’t quite gone into the bone chilling, windy temps we get here.

Luckily, husband did get his bonus and we know the amount that will hit next payday. This gives us a jumpstart on getting more done on the house and allows us to target March 2017 as the date it goes on the market.

Things are spinning out of my control and I’ve got to just let it go and do what I can.


Last week I had a dream I meant to post; it’s too important not to post it so here it is:

I was standing in the front yard at our house in C__ Missouri. The weather was early fall and I looked up to a blue sky with just a few clouds. Two vultures were spiraling up from the valley in the National Forest and flying slowly above my head in circles.

I looked to my left and a huge vulture was sitting on the hand pump in our herb garden. She spread her wings out wide.. I was wrapped in darkness and then was a vulture spreading its wings.

Husband called my name and I returned to myself. The vulture became a pillar of smoky darkness and disappeared.

Later that week, I told husband I wasn’t sure I was ready for this next change. A call from my closest friend gave me details on how her life will change drastically. Transformation is sometimes impossible to ignore.

weird shadows

Driving out to the barn, I came up on a opossum who seemed a bit confused. He kept trotting along the road instead of crossing. I slowed the car down to protect him from being hit from behind until he made up his mind.

I think it was the wet from the rain – he just didn’t want to get into the grass. I cautioned him very strongly that being on the road was really a dangerous idea. Eventually, he found a spot and gingerly stepped back into the wet woods.

Another incident on the way out was some sort of huge black shadow that flew off to my right. It wasn’t a bird. It moved like a sheet in the wind and disappeared. …. Okay.

On the way home, I sometimes take a very scenic mile because it has a lot of pretty woods and houses I would like to live in. Again, something black and shadowy flew off from the right. I was going so slow I know it wasn’t a bird – or really anything living – just a fluttery shadow

This is the kind of weird stuff (including Crows checking me out) that I don’t really expect to have in my mundane, ordinary life. Not sure what it was all about. Not sure I will find out. Though I heard the Eclipse was supposed to make things a bit weird today.

Dreams of a home of our own

Sunday was cool and it was the perfect day to go for a drive and start checking out areas where we may possibly buy land (5-10 acres) in 4 years. The adventure was both scary and exhilarating. It was exciting to think on how our life will change soon but the incredible amount of work that will have to be done is imposing. Are we up for it!?

Follows is some of our plans (it’s rather long so if it doesn’t interest you, you have my permission to stop reading here 🙂

Settlement plans

Infrastructure and timeline:

  1. Property fenced (perimeter) and gate installed with solar powered opener.
  2. Gravel drive. Building locations and pasture decided.
  3. Electricity on property at garage location.
  4. Well drilled or water hooked up and frost free pump installed at Garage, Garden Shed and Horse Barn.
  5. Fenced horse pasture. Horses moved onto property. Start compost pile.
  6. Selective land clearing for garage, garden shed and garden, horse shelter, and house foundation location. Tree debris (whenever possible) is to be chipped and put into compost pile. Depending on season, plan for a controlled burn (to decrease ticks, reduce scrub, brush fire control).
  7. Rubble trenching done for Garage foundation. Gravel pad for Horse shelter, Garage, and Garden Shed. Have tractor drill post holes for horse shelter, garage and garden shed.
  8. Order stripped cedar log poles for the cordwood construction.
  9. Horse shelter (pole barn 12′ x 36′ loafing shed) installed. Solar power for lights. Rain runoff collected from roof.
  10. Garage frame (16′ x 60′ poles and roof) installed.
  11. Garden Shed (12′ x 6′) and Garage walls done with cordwood construction
  12. Mark out garden area, fence and plant with cover crop. Develop beds. Figure out watering system to be used.
  13. Pecan trees and apple trees planted. Berry bushes planted and trellises installed. Dependent upon season (after October, before April). Drip irrigation installed.
  14. Septic for house installed. House foundation poured. Needs south facing exposure for passive solar collection. Plant north sheltering trees.
  15. Start building house 1 year after cordwood construction done on garage and garden shed. Plan to make livable at 6 months from start.
  16. Plant Vegetable and herb garden areas.
  17. Build Chicken and Duck pens. Need a small duck pond/tub.
  18. Plan for Guest house.


Garage and workshop: storage (14/16′ x 60′) with a minimum of 4 bays (i.e. horse trailer, flatbed trailer, car, hay etc…) with a workshop area on cement floor (12′ x 16′). Cordwood construction. Roofline is major solar and rainwater collection area. Needs to be hooked into traditional power grid for power tools.

Garden shed (12′ x 6′) will include cold frames and a supply/storage area. It will run off solar power. Built the first year using Cordwood construction techniques. Reclaimed materials.

Horse Shelter to be built the first year. Runs off solar power. Roofline works for rainwater storage. Pole barn construction (12×36 loafing shed style). Would prefer to get horses moved out to property as soon as fence and gate is secured.

House to be built the second year into land ownership, which allows us to see how the cordwood construction worked out on the garage and garden shed. Foundation, septic, electric, and propane can be put into place the first year. One bedroom hybrid home of cordwood, timber frame, and strawbale construction. Passive Solar Power, Greywater collection from bathroom and laundry, solar power collection from garage area, pellet stove and propane heat backup.

Duck and Chicken coop done 1st/2nd year after moving onto property. Do not want these vulnerable animals at the farm until we can live 24.7 on the property.

Guest Cottage to be built 3rd/4th year into land ownership. Treehouse or Cordwood construction. One bedroom house for visitors with kitchenette and bathroom. Can also be rented out to guests so location to be private as much as possible. (Income producing).

Land Enrichment:

Trees: Pecan and some pines and what is available on the property – or ones I would want to add – that is native (most likely Post Oak, Black Locust, Hickory, Hackberry, Green Ash, Hawthorn, Holly, Persimmon, Dogwood, Redbud). Some other possible trees (that handle the heat) such as Desert Willow.

Once the foundation is placed for the house, the trees can be planted here. Evergreen trees (pines, holly, Bald Cypress, etc…) are planted on the north and northwest side of house; deciduous trees planted on the south sides (i.e. Desert Willow, Green Ash, etc…)

Plant Pecans (2) and apple trees (3) once water is on the property – set up for drip irrigation.

Wildflowers and herb plants are dispersed throughout the vegetable garden to encourage bees, butterflies and pest control. Be aware that mostly these plants (i.e. lavender, Rosemary etc…) need less watering than vegetables, and full sun.

Depending on care needed, could be planted the first year or after we are living on the property. A lot of wildflowers seed does best if planted the fall before.

Angelica, Anise Hyssop, Bee Balm (Bergamot), Borage, Calendula, Chamomile (German), Comfrey, Elderflower, Feverfew, Lavender, Lemon Balm, Lemon Verbena, Mullein, Sunflowers, Valerian?, Vervain?, and Yarrow.

Herb list (the key to herbs is well drained soil. Many are pest fighters so place around plants like Tomatoes etc.. that get a lot of pests). Plant after we are living on the property.

Basil (3 varieties), Catnip, Chervil, Chives, Dill, Fennel, Holy Basil?, Lemon Balm, Marjoram (which I prefer over Oregano), Mints (container garden), Oregano, Parsley, Rosemary, Sage (two varieties), Savory (winter and summer), French Tarragon, and Thyme.

Bees: Want to discuss with a beekeeper about installing a hive that he/she will manage and trade out for honey. After the gardens are planted.

Vegetable Garden should be planted in an area that is in closer proximity to the house- perhaps between or near the house/barn – someplace that is convenient to walk too daily and be seen.

This area needs full sun, however, with Oklahoma’s hot summers temporary shade may need to be installed by August to keep producing. Plant after we are living on the property (though cover crop can be planted the year before).

Beans (pole), Broccoli, Carrots (container), Cucumbers (pole), Garlic, Lettuces, Peppers, Potatoes (container), Strawberries, Tomatoes, Tomatillos, and Zucchini.

Berry patch: wish to grow blackberries, raspberries, blueberries, boysenberries, elderberries etc.. This area needs full sun and trellis. While I don’t mind sharing the surplus, they will need to be netted in the beginning to protect from birds.

Need to be planted the first year. This product will be canned and given as gifts or traded.

Livestock: my horses, eventually ducks and chickens. I’m leaning more towards ducks than chickens but most likely I’ll end up with both. Manure to compost. Birds help with pest control in the garden and provide eggs.

Horses need a run in shelter/shed with enough room to store tack, feed and hay. The roof to this shelter will serve as rain collection. Duck and Chicken house will be located near the Garden. Chickens will have a chicken tractor or tunnels in the garden to protect them from hawks.

Wildlife area: Depending on the acreage size, I would like to leave about 1/3rd of the property as a managed wilderness area (1/3rd houses/buildings; 1/3rd horses and plant producing areas).

Ideally we would find land that would back up to the Corps of Engineers property or to protected waterways but that may not happen. The Wildlife area would serve as a buffer between us and the neighbors and provide a safe haven for wild animals


Dream this morning… as a human I looked over a large lake and know I need to go to the other side. I know I can’t cross and a voice tells me I need to change to make the journey. I change into a large hawk and find myself flying over the water, my wing tips feeling the wind.

This was one of those significant dreams as I woke up with it sharp in my mind along with the “voice” which is always telling. The date of my upcoming birthday was also predominant in the dream.

It’s a much better dream than the one a few days ago where I was a participant of the Dinosaur Reality show: humans stuck in a home and dinosaurs let loose to see who they would eat.


business ventures


During one of our wrap-up trips to Missouri, I was inspired with the idea of starting a local alternative retail store here in Tulsa. I started working on that plan (Cinnabarys) and some of you already know about it. However, I also knew finances would not allow me to jump in with a retail store right away, though I could do something online and start out small.

Suffice to write that I still have plans for Cinnabarys and it will happen (though slower than I thought). It will probably remain as an online outlet only with perhaps a local representation (more about that later in this post). For now you can follow Cinnabarys via the blog or Facebook or Pinterest.

I did a lot of research so I also know a few other things: the store must make money as I cannot afford another “hobby” (horses are expensive enough as it is) and Pagans (or whatever alternate you follow) simply don’t provide enough buying power to keep a store in business. Too many pagan-oriented stores are struggling, with owners losing hope and begging for patrons. The online competition is also very stiff.

Also, in doing my Google Analytics research there was far more interest in sidelines to my original concept (for example, far more people search for Chakras than Spells – isn’t that interesting?). Hmmmmm

This has morphed into a separate retail store idea called Gypsy Gear (I’m only on Pinterest for now) which can appeal to a wider audience.  The opportunity of lower risk opportunity for a weekend retail store (I work a job Monday through Thursday to keep me and mine in food and shelter) in a very nearby shopping area developed.

However, after talking with some folks it was discouraging as they didn’t like the landlord (you can rent a small shop in the complex, or a booth/table). These folks were suggesting booths but what I want is a full-store shopping EXPERIENCE… that suits my aesthetic and provides things that are fun, fascinating and a bit quirky. People should leave and go wow that was cool, interesting, neat or whatever! It should be an experience.

Last night, after manifesting daughters’ weeklong cold, I had some further inspiration. So here is the idea – a vintage camper turned into a shopping boutique. I could still do the retail shopping center that I am thinking of (I won’t mention their name til it’s a done deal) and I could do craft fairs etc…

The vintage trailer pictured above is from Craigslist for $700; I figure it will take at least $2,000 in renovation. We would gut the interior and make it a store – a store that moves – like a Gypsy caravan!

I’m really thinking this would be cool in so many ways – and it can have a touch of Cinnabarys (the more witchy version) there too.

Hmmm…. rubbing hands….

vintage_camper_1 vintage_camper_2

Old feeds the New

Friday night I had a significant dream. By morning, I could only remember remnants of it.

I was walking a path. On the right were some dead animals. As I passed the area, I turned back to look. There were five (sometimes it seemed to be as many as six, other times as few as four) dead animals, Dodo’s, with each carcass having its own raptor (a hawk of some sort) rending it.

This was odd considering the night before I had read a book where a Vulture featured in it predominately and hawks aren’t known as carrion eaters. Dreaming of a Vulture would have been more apropos.

The Dodo closest to me was still aware and it looked at me with huge sad eyes as it died. I told it that I was sorry but it had to die in order to feed the new.

The next day I observed the Coopers Hawk in the backyard.

Yesterday evening I spent some time in meditation. As I sat down, I realized that Hawk was right – I didn’t have much on my altar for Hawk except one small silver medallion. It’s been hard to find Hawks, though easy to find Eagles. That would need to be rectified – I will work on honoring Hawk.

Looking over my gemstone collection I picked up Howlite. It’s a white stone with grey veining, that is often dyed to resemble other stones. Metaphysical properties: calming the mind from turbulent emotions, reducing anger and agitation, and calming the over active mind.

I like intuitively picking out a gemstone and than just being receptive to how it responds to the situation. I don’t usually run to a list of what the stone is good for – I just hold it in the palm of my left hand and ask if wants to work on this with me. Does it warm up? Does it feel tingly or prickly? Does it not respond?

I thought of the sleek dark blue gray of the Hawk’ back. His compact head as he (though I think it was a she due to her size) looked from side to side, seeking movement. The camouflaged coloring (countershading) – the dark upper body and the light under shading which allows it to hunt its prey without being detected.

The response of Good Hunting and that it heard there were Rabbits here (Rabbit being my Chinese birth year and one of my Animal Guides), I believe there was significance to me in her appearance.

I thought about when we first moved to this house and how surrounded by fields it was. This provided perfect hunting ground for the Red Tailed Hawks that remained in the area. As more houses and stores were built, the road got wider and busier, and the trees got larger and more diverse, the habitat area changed.

The Red Tailed Hawk, who hunts from tall vantage points, was supplanted by the urban forest hunter, the Coopers Hawk. With the bitter, licorice smell, clear as a bell:

Move to what is needed

A Kestrel is shared with me

Before going to bed last night I asked my guides to send me any message they deemed fit in my dreams. I woke up with one very vivid dream in mind and while I cannot convey the magic of it to you with mere words, I felt it:

In the dream, I am in a field, loading the back of my black SUV. It was a clear, sunny day. It seemed to me we had been having some sort of pleasurable outing like a picnic or hike. Grenwinae was there as well as my BFF and someone I knew as her husband (not her husband if you know what I mean).

Off in the treeline to my right was a man in the shadows. In the sky I notice a hawk so look up to watch. In my mind I immediately identified it as a Kestrel. He hovers over me, getting closer. Hovering is typical of Kestrel flying patterns.

His feathered pattern is crystal clear. In reality (not dream time) he is more patterned as a Coopers Hawk which I’ve written about several times in this blog). I can see his eye as he looks at me.

I reach out my left arm, inviting him. Suddenly he lands – lightly, not with the weight of a real bird. He has jesses on his legs and bends down to peck at them, drawing my attention. I know in my dream that his claws should tear my arm as I am in short sleeves but they don’t.

A voice to my right tells me in a friendly voice that he will take his bird back now, and the bird takes flight and lands on the man’s arm – the watcher from the woods who has no face.

I woke up with a good feeling for the day.


2 Dreams of a Message

I have a strong dream life so sometimes it can be hard to discern if something is really important and when it is nothing but “a bit of cheese.” Having the journal, and posting about dreams and than seeing what happens helps to sort the wheat from the chafe.

After weeks of seeing no animal guides, I saw a hawk and a vulture on the same day. They were distant on the horizon and no clear message was given.


For the last two days I have had clear dreams of my father in law, who recently passed away.

The first dream I was at a gathering. I think it was a funeral. He was talking to another guest. I was walking by and getting into an elevator. As the elevator doors started to close, I remembered he was dead and I called out to him to come to the elevator before the doors closed. He turned and stared at me. The doors closed.


Last night the dream was stronger. We had moved in, or were vacationing at a cabin in the country. Something was in the house that only I could sense. I walked outside and was trying to understand when my father-in-law appeared on the deck walkway.

I won’t go into all the dream because it had a lot of confused bits that made no sense, but I awoke with a conviction that Grenwinae needed to be told that his father was close and looking after him. I had the feeling that Grenwinae’s father was having trouble reaching him directly, so used me as an intermediary.


I feel conflicted about this because I don’t believe in a presence after death. Yet, when my own father died, I had a strong dream presence of him for years. I chalked that up to my own desires.

When I was down to my In-laws’ home, I felt a strong presence of my father in law. I went into rooms, that felt like he had just left. His voice seemed to have just said something. I felt at the time it was just the strong presence and memory of him in the house for the 25 years I’ve been married to Grewinae. It’s not like I was ever his favorite so there is no personal reason to message me over anyone else.

I have some ambivalence at this point about this but in the spirit of fairness have said what I felt to Grenwinae. While I was telling this to Grenwinae, the fire alarm went off in his building for a drill!

Grenwinae’s blog and answer